Sunday, February 15, 2004
Have you ever been in on a secret you were just DYING to tell someone? The guilt is killing me here. Except I don't have a secret, I have a picture.
Of course he could wake the dead with the noise he made coming in at 3:30am last night, so I thought nothing of the usual rattlings and clangings going on. DS was in bed with me, out cold, so I didn't worry about him waking up. The dogs had other ideas, though, and sat at the door a whined until STBX came and let them out of the room. After a while it grew quiet, but all the lights were still on. I decided to investigate. I opened my bedroom door to discover him lying there on the floor, limp as 3 year old celery. And naked. A quick run-through of the kitchen revealed a second-layer of filth over the original layer resulting from my most recent housework strike. Cookies crumbled and scattered throughout the kitchen. An open jar of peanut butter. Garbage all over the floor. 2 very busy dogs sucking up every edible piece they could find. He even ate a day-old peanut butter sandwich that DS had left out on the table for the night. He hadn't moved. I tiptoed over him and grabbed the camera. It beeped loudly as I turned it on, but he didn't move. I risked a few more beeps and turned off the flash, thinking it would certainly wake him, but the resulting photo was just an orange spot in a black field, so I turned it back on. ~FLASH~ He didn't move. ~FLASH~ ~FLASH~ ~FLASH~ He breathed a little louder, but still didn't move. I took them from every angle. I put the camera quietly back on the shelf, knowing I'd have time to download them tomorrow during his afternoon nap. 5am. I had to work at 10. I turned out the kitchen light and went to bed. By 7:30 the kids were up and about, and he was nowhere in sight--must've crawled to bed. When I was finally up and moving, I told the kids to get ready, they were coming to work with me.
After an hour of babysitting, STBX showed up at the store, bright as sunshine, and approached the kids before I could say anything. "Let's go to Chuck E. Cheese's!!!" "YAY!!!" So off they went. Better him than me, that's for sure.
I shared my little secret with Yelena and Michelle at work, who were doubled over with laughter at the thought of all the fun things we could do with his picture. Yelena insists that I upload it to his match.com profile. Oh, the incredible restraint it's taking not to do that. Honestly. It'd be easier to leave a luscious piece of cheesecake alone for a week while I starved than to resist doing this nasty, evil, deliciously dastardly deed. I considered sending it to his mom. But she already knows he's a drunk, there's no point in something so openly hostile that would drag her into the fray.
I came home to discover that he'd been sleeping all afternoon, and the kids were desperately bored. So bored that DS had a popcorn kernel lodged inside his nose. A few attempts to remove it for him proved futile, so off we went to the immediate care clinic. $25 later, we were the proud owners of a new snotty popcorn kernel.
I have promised myself to wait for at least 3 days before I act on any impulse to do something nasty with The Picture. Step away from the photo, Sassy...
Of course he could wake the dead with the noise he made coming in at 3:30am last night, so I thought nothing of the usual rattlings and clangings going on. DS was in bed with me, out cold, so I didn't worry about him waking up. The dogs had other ideas, though, and sat at the door a whined until STBX came and let them out of the room. After a while it grew quiet, but all the lights were still on. I decided to investigate. I opened my bedroom door to discover him lying there on the floor, limp as 3 year old celery. And naked. A quick run-through of the kitchen revealed a second-layer of filth over the original layer resulting from my most recent housework strike. Cookies crumbled and scattered throughout the kitchen. An open jar of peanut butter. Garbage all over the floor. 2 very busy dogs sucking up every edible piece they could find. He even ate a day-old peanut butter sandwich that DS had left out on the table for the night. He hadn't moved. I tiptoed over him and grabbed the camera. It beeped loudly as I turned it on, but he didn't move. I risked a few more beeps and turned off the flash, thinking it would certainly wake him, but the resulting photo was just an orange spot in a black field, so I turned it back on. ~FLASH~ He didn't move. ~FLASH~ ~FLASH~ ~FLASH~ He breathed a little louder, but still didn't move. I took them from every angle. I put the camera quietly back on the shelf, knowing I'd have time to download them tomorrow during his afternoon nap. 5am. I had to work at 10. I turned out the kitchen light and went to bed. By 7:30 the kids were up and about, and he was nowhere in sight--must've crawled to bed. When I was finally up and moving, I told the kids to get ready, they were coming to work with me.
After an hour of babysitting, STBX showed up at the store, bright as sunshine, and approached the kids before I could say anything. "Let's go to Chuck E. Cheese's!!!" "YAY!!!" So off they went. Better him than me, that's for sure.
I shared my little secret with Yelena and Michelle at work, who were doubled over with laughter at the thought of all the fun things we could do with his picture. Yelena insists that I upload it to his match.com profile. Oh, the incredible restraint it's taking not to do that. Honestly. It'd be easier to leave a luscious piece of cheesecake alone for a week while I starved than to resist doing this nasty, evil, deliciously dastardly deed. I considered sending it to his mom. But she already knows he's a drunk, there's no point in something so openly hostile that would drag her into the fray.
I came home to discover that he'd been sleeping all afternoon, and the kids were desperately bored. So bored that DS had a popcorn kernel lodged inside his nose. A few attempts to remove it for him proved futile, so off we went to the immediate care clinic. $25 later, we were the proud owners of a new snotty popcorn kernel.
I have promised myself to wait for at least 3 days before I act on any impulse to do something nasty with The Picture. Step away from the photo, Sassy...
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