Tuesday, March 16, 2004
As if the sweet-nothings of new lovers aren't enough to make me puke, I had to discover that he's calling her sassy. 'oh ha-ha, you're so sassy!' 'Oh, you know me, I can't help being SASSY!! ;-)" Fuck you.
Sorry, just had to get that out of my system. I'm almost done wallowing, so there are a few more barbs to be hurled before the throes of my angst subside. Is it too much to ask that he be at least as miserable and lonely as I am?
I am not the type of girl that guys hit on. What's up with that?? I figure there are only 2 explanations: either I'm Hideously Unattractive or I'm a Raving Bitch/Lunatic. Neither option really feels right, but how many Raving Bitches do you know that actually KNOW they're raving bitches? And why is it the ugly people are the ones with the healthiest self-esteem?? There has only been one--no, correct that: two guys in my whole life (that's more than 3 decades, TYVM) who have asked me out on a proper date. Both were terribly unattractive, pushy, presumptuous and repulsive. [Score one for the Raving Bitch.] I said "No." to both of them in what I thought were clear, understandable, but kind terms. Both managed to wrangle a way to be alone with me in a date-like situation anyway (one was a movie, one was a play). Both came on to me again, and both had to be verbally bitch-slapped back into their places. So perhaps I should rephrase: attractive guys don't ask me out. Every man from my past was a friend first. Or at the very least, a friend-of-a-friend. What is it I'm supposed to learn from this factoid? That they have to get to know me before they can see me as attractive? That I have to bust my ass to seduce them unwillingly into an affair? That I scare the hell out of them somehow and have to warm them up a bit first?
I hate to be so consumed with thoughts of dating and sex. I really *do* want to just focus on work and school, moving to The City and getting my new life underway before I add baggage to the train. But it's such a lonely journey, and STBX's dating has made me feel even lonelier. I want someone to call just to chat, someone to beg me to come have dinner with him. Someone to wrap their arms around me and squeeze like he doesn't want to let go. I want smarmy little emails and little what-nots. And I don't want to have to ask for it. Is that too much to ask for??
In the meantime, I finally completed the financial statement required for our divorce papers (I presume this is so that the judge will calculate a fair child support/alimony agreement). We're "doing this amicably", so it's been a very slow process. True, it could have been final by now if we'd filed right away, but there was no point in rushing it, as we would still have to live together anyway. Now I just want him out of my house. I don't want Her emails coming to MY computer, I don't want him coming home from HER house, straight into mine and asking me what's for dinner. And he wonders why we never seem to have HIS groceries in the house anymore. Hey fuckface, I'm not your freaking WIFE anymore, and I'm not doing your shopping for you.
And a final addition:
:-E <-- That's a toothless Hillbilly. Or more aptly, STBX (who wears a false tooth on a retainer for a missing front tooth).
ยง-E <-- That;s when he's Shitfoot.
X-E <-- That's Shitfoot after I run him over with my car and toss him in a volcano.
Sorry, just had to get that out of my system. I'm almost done wallowing, so there are a few more barbs to be hurled before the throes of my angst subside. Is it too much to ask that he be at least as miserable and lonely as I am?
I am not the type of girl that guys hit on. What's up with that?? I figure there are only 2 explanations: either I'm Hideously Unattractive or I'm a Raving Bitch/Lunatic. Neither option really feels right, but how many Raving Bitches do you know that actually KNOW they're raving bitches? And why is it the ugly people are the ones with the healthiest self-esteem?? There has only been one--no, correct that: two guys in my whole life (that's more than 3 decades, TYVM) who have asked me out on a proper date. Both were terribly unattractive, pushy, presumptuous and repulsive. [Score one for the Raving Bitch.] I said "No." to both of them in what I thought were clear, understandable, but kind terms. Both managed to wrangle a way to be alone with me in a date-like situation anyway (one was a movie, one was a play). Both came on to me again, and both had to be verbally bitch-slapped back into their places. So perhaps I should rephrase: attractive guys don't ask me out. Every man from my past was a friend first. Or at the very least, a friend-of-a-friend. What is it I'm supposed to learn from this factoid? That they have to get to know me before they can see me as attractive? That I have to bust my ass to seduce them unwillingly into an affair? That I scare the hell out of them somehow and have to warm them up a bit first?
I hate to be so consumed with thoughts of dating and sex. I really *do* want to just focus on work and school, moving to The City and getting my new life underway before I add baggage to the train. But it's such a lonely journey, and STBX's dating has made me feel even lonelier. I want someone to call just to chat, someone to beg me to come have dinner with him. Someone to wrap their arms around me and squeeze like he doesn't want to let go. I want smarmy little emails and little what-nots. And I don't want to have to ask for it. Is that too much to ask for??
In the meantime, I finally completed the financial statement required for our divorce papers (I presume this is so that the judge will calculate a fair child support/alimony agreement). We're "doing this amicably", so it's been a very slow process. True, it could have been final by now if we'd filed right away, but there was no point in rushing it, as we would still have to live together anyway. Now I just want him out of my house. I don't want Her emails coming to MY computer, I don't want him coming home from HER house, straight into mine and asking me what's for dinner. And he wonders why we never seem to have HIS groceries in the house anymore. Hey fuckface, I'm not your freaking WIFE anymore, and I'm not doing your shopping for you.
And a final addition:
:-E <-- That's a toothless Hillbilly. Or more aptly, STBX (who wears a false tooth on a retainer for a missing front tooth).
ยง-E <-- That;s when he's Shitfoot.
X-E <-- That's Shitfoot after I run him over with my car and toss him in a volcano.
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