Saturday, March 27, 2004
I recently decided to reactivate my profile on eMode's matchmaking site. I figured if nothing else, it was a good way to get re-introduced to the dating world without much effort and angst.
Trolling through guys' profiles has brought up tons of interesting things. I'm amazed at the number of guys who have tons of typos or misspellings in their profiles and then claim they're intelligent. One guy claimed to be "intelligent but not conceeded". Another brags that he is really into astrology, and has a big telescope. There are innumerable men in search of "a women who knows what she want". I could forgive a blunder or 2--heck, I've been guilty, for certain. But when the profile has been browsed hundreds of times, you know it's been there for a while and he still hasn't caught it.
And then there's the pictures... Fellas, the purpose of the photo is for us to get an idea of what you will look like across the table at the restaurant where we meet, and to prove you're at least vaguely similar to the physical description of yourself you just gave. A full length shot of yourself that shrinks your face down to a quarter centimeter is neither impressive nor helpful. "Why look, there's a male of some sort in that picture!" And don't bother with the full body shot if the full body is unimpressive. Don't pose like you're Fabio if you're built like Andy Dick. And what's up with the multiple shots of the same pose? OK, I've seen you at your desk in the blue shirt. I don't need to see 5 shots at the same distance in the same environment, "Here's me looking to the left. Here's me looking slightly downward." At least change clothes--prove to me you have more than one shirt. Oh, and the multiple at-desk shots? These are usually the same guys who claim to be avid outdoorsmen who love to get lots of fresh air. Apparently that's because they never leave their desks and daydream about sunny afternoons spent picnicking and backpacking. Then there's the hiking crowd. You know the ones: they post a picture of themselves posing in front of some fantastic natural vista, flannel shirt and baseball cap askew, looking like some Modern Day Woodsman, and you just know this was from a trip 3 years ago and he hasn't spent more than 10 minutes outdoors since. And finally, the webcam. First of all, if you don't have a decent photo of yourself, find someone with a REAL camera to help you. Grainy, unintelligible shots of yourself leaning into the webcam on top of your monitor aren't terribly titillating, despite what you've heard or experienced on porn sites. Am I supposed to think this is what awaits me as you lean in for a kiss?
It's been refreshing browsing through these profiles--it's nice to know men can be just as insecure and insincere as women are.
Trolling through guys' profiles has brought up tons of interesting things. I'm amazed at the number of guys who have tons of typos or misspellings in their profiles and then claim they're intelligent. One guy claimed to be "intelligent but not conceeded". Another brags that he is really into astrology, and has a big telescope. There are innumerable men in search of "a women who knows what she want". I could forgive a blunder or 2--heck, I've been guilty, for certain. But when the profile has been browsed hundreds of times, you know it's been there for a while and he still hasn't caught it.
And then there's the pictures... Fellas, the purpose of the photo is for us to get an idea of what you will look like across the table at the restaurant where we meet, and to prove you're at least vaguely similar to the physical description of yourself you just gave. A full length shot of yourself that shrinks your face down to a quarter centimeter is neither impressive nor helpful. "Why look, there's a male of some sort in that picture!" And don't bother with the full body shot if the full body is unimpressive. Don't pose like you're Fabio if you're built like Andy Dick. And what's up with the multiple shots of the same pose? OK, I've seen you at your desk in the blue shirt. I don't need to see 5 shots at the same distance in the same environment, "Here's me looking to the left. Here's me looking slightly downward." At least change clothes--prove to me you have more than one shirt. Oh, and the multiple at-desk shots? These are usually the same guys who claim to be avid outdoorsmen who love to get lots of fresh air. Apparently that's because they never leave their desks and daydream about sunny afternoons spent picnicking and backpacking. Then there's the hiking crowd. You know the ones: they post a picture of themselves posing in front of some fantastic natural vista, flannel shirt and baseball cap askew, looking like some Modern Day Woodsman, and you just know this was from a trip 3 years ago and he hasn't spent more than 10 minutes outdoors since. And finally, the webcam. First of all, if you don't have a decent photo of yourself, find someone with a REAL camera to help you. Grainy, unintelligible shots of yourself leaning into the webcam on top of your monitor aren't terribly titillating, despite what you've heard or experienced on porn sites. Am I supposed to think this is what awaits me as you lean in for a kiss?
It's been refreshing browsing through these profiles--it's nice to know men can be just as insecure and insincere as women are.
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