Sassy's Up Late Again

Well, as I predicted, my visit to SYT was definitely all work and no play. Not that kind, anyway. We got a lot of work done, and it was an enjoyable time, of course. As usual, Dee had an endless supply of amusing tales to tell. that girl is a trip. First of all, Dee is married to Juan. They will have been married 2 years this September. Their son just turned 2 a couple months ago (you do the math). She married him because he lost his visa and was about to be sent back. They had intended on getting married, she claims, but not on such a quick schedule. Anyway, somewhere along the line, the marriage died. They really loathe each other. But she won't kick him out and he won't leave because they have to have been married 2 years or he has to go back to Mexico. It's ugly, but I commend her for sticking it out just so he can stay and be with his son. But her tales of his immeasurable stupidity are always amusing. The marriage had been hanging by a thread for quite some time, and aparently this weekend was the final nail in the coffin: she found out that Betty, a 65 yr. old family friend has been "rubbing lotion on his butt" for him. Juan is 25. His excuse? He wasn't sure if he could do it right. Dee told us that last summer he made a ton of money doing household chores for her and her friends ("I mean, $80 to mow the lawn, $100 to wash the car."). In the meantime, an old friend of Dee's has re-surfaced. His hame is Casey. Casey is a cop. Not just any cop, the cop that brought her to the hospital when her last boyfriend beat her up. Casey has had a serious thing for Dee ever since. Dee is in complete denial that it is anything more than a friendship, and aggressively denies that he has anything but a flirty intention. Casey is married, too. Ironically (or not), Casey is married to an immigrant as well, and HIS marriage is in shambles as well. Both Casey and Dee are dealing with spouses who are sending unreasonable amounts of money to their families back home. Aparently Casey is now $750K in debt because Mrs. Casey took out a 2nd mortage on their house, bought 2 new SUV's and SHIPPED them to the Pacific Rim, along with what I consider to be an enormous amount of cash. I'm not going to ask how a cop under 30 had that much equity in a house--clearly I don't know enough about him.

Casey called Dee twice that evening, just to chat with her. Each time, she'd blush and get all coy and grinning. Right, Dee: I don't believe for a second he's just a friend. But in light of the granny-lotion debacle, I'm finally willing to stop chastising her for seeking comfort outside her marriage.

A tangential chuckle: we were discussing a funeral Dee's father was attending that evening, and I said I didn't want to be buried when I die, I prefer to be creamated. She said she was afraid if she did that, something like in "Meet the Parents" would happen, and she'd end up all over someone's dining room rug with the cat peeing on her ashes. Instead, she claimed quite seriously, she wants to be mummified and turned into a coffee table.

I do believe I have agreed to a blind date. Luckily, it is a double date, and not only is it a double date, the other couple is in complete denial that they are dating. Dee told me today that Casey "has a friend" who begged her to find him a date because he hasn't met anyone in a long time. Casey's friend is a cop, too. I can say without a moment's hesitation that STBX would rather see me date a crack dealer than a cop. It's so fucking delicious, how could I say no??