Thursday, April 29, 2004
Well poop on the lot of you, all I'm-So-Fucking-Special-With-My-Fancy-New-Blog-Toys. I'm just going to sit here and be petulant about it because apparently to get these fun features, you have to upgrade your Blog account. Willing to do so, I'm told that that particular feature is no longer available for purchase because they're "retooling" it, so all of us BIG FAT LOSERS can go suck a big one.
So I go to my favorite Forum on Delphi to see what my other CyberHomies are doing, and fuckityfuck if Delphi isn't down, too. Not that that's a surprise these days. Memo to DelphiTeam: YOU SUCK. Maybe more people would be willing to PAY for memberships if you could show the slightest bit of COMPETENCY.
So on to more interesting things...
Sa-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!
I just talked to Cyber Biker again. Must come up with a new name for him... now that I'm getting to know him better, there's got to be something more appropo... Cyber Hottie? Biceps? Net Honey? I'd take a vote or welcome comments regarding his new pseudonym, but FUCK IF I CAN'T GET THAT FEATURE!! *ahem* ~whitefluffyclouds whitefluffyclouds~
There, centered again.
[Oh wait, STBX keeps coming over here to make inane smalltalk. Must cleanse his imbecilic need to chat about Entertainment Tonight from my So-Over-It mind. ~whitefluffyclouds whitefluffyclouds findingmyhappyplace~]
There, better now.
My new honey. Mmm... did I mention how very damned fine this boy is? And I feel comfortable calling him a boy because he is 6 years younger than me. He is unfazed by this, and so I am equally determined to overlook it. I had just begun to write tonight's blog when he rang, so now I have twice the material to write about. I DID tell him I'd be telling all my friends about all the sweet things this really hot guy was doing to woo me, so I feel no guilt in gushing about it.
Yummy honey and I have now talked more over the past 3 days than I've conversed with my own children. Sad, but true. No, I didn't shoo my kids away, you callous bastards, we talked late into the night after the kids were in bed. Over the PHONE. We have not yet met in person. That planet-aligning problem again. I think we have made loose plans to meet this Sunday afternoon. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
After our lengthy chat on Monday night, I emailed him to thank him for the call. I wrote a novel (OK, no smart remarks about that). I pretty much laid it all out for him:
The next day I received his reply: "When is a good time to call you? Your STBX answered, and I was quick-witted and asked for my grandfather's name." I am still laughing at the notion that STBX just thinks that was a wrong number...
I emailed him a brief list of my schedule over the next couple of days, to make it easier to reach me when X isn't here. But then I reminded him that it's OK to leave a message with Exhole--he might get pissy and pouty with me about it, but if he got angry, I'd tell him to go pound sand and remind him of his many hours spent chatting with women on the phone. [Side note: MUST get a cell phone. Very tired of this.]
So he called tonight. So many things to swoon about. ~sigh~ He is SOFA KING sweet. We have so very much in common (regarding our familial/marital situations, emotional history, etc.), it's a little scary. We talked about our expectations, and we seem to be on the same page... "I feel guilty for wanting sex more than love. I am afraid that having sex with you will lead to my falling in love with you, which might be terribly inconvenient and complicated. But still somehow Very Good." oh yes, and the obligatory, "I am embarrassed to admit I have considered the possibility of an Actual Relationship forming."
We laughed a lot. We talked very frankly. It was very refreshing.
And then he SANG for me.
And once again, I swear to all that is holy that it's not just my libido talking, he did it with dignity and grace. It made me swoon. I swear I had to brace myself to prevent losing my balance. If you must know, it was a George Strait song. Not being a big country music fan, I couldn't guess what the song was called. But afterward, I gushed a bit and thanked him for doing that for me... that I'd have that voice in my head for quite a while now. And mmm, it was verrrrrry nice. He got very quiet. "Are you OK?" "Yeah, I'm just embarrassed that I actually did that." He's just so damned sweet.
The conversation turned inevitably to sex. I mean come on [ROFL, Freudian typo: com one], we're like a couple of tigers circling each other here. Why pretend like it's not going to happen?
He: "Do you want to get a hotel room?"
Me: [say yes, say yes, say YESSSSS!!] welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll...
He: "I'm sorry, I just..."
Me: [I'm a freaking idiot!] "No, it's not that... it's just that well... it's clear we have a lot we can talk about--I'm perfectly confident that we would enjoy spending time together no matter what. And I think you're incredibly gorgeous. But #1: It's completely possible that we could meet and the chemistry is just not there. Sometimes it's just not, for no reason. And #2: I feel that old Catholic Guilt for considering it so matter-of-factly. Gut says 'Book the room NOW. Head says, "Slow down there, cowboy.' "
We talked more graphically, the details of which I will not share (I have to keep a little slice of him to myself, after all!), but suffice it to say we are both looking forward to meeting. Another weird thing in common: our respective spouses were very similarly sexually repressed. We are very much looking forward to reviving our wilder side.
And he's such a damned tease. It was time to get off the phone, and he had to mention that he was now naked and getting to step into the shower.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
So I go to my favorite Forum on Delphi to see what my other CyberHomies are doing, and fuckityfuck if Delphi isn't down, too. Not that that's a surprise these days. Memo to DelphiTeam: YOU SUCK. Maybe more people would be willing to PAY for memberships if you could show the slightest bit of COMPETENCY.
So on to more interesting things...
Sa-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!!!
I just talked to Cyber Biker again. Must come up with a new name for him... now that I'm getting to know him better, there's got to be something more appropo... Cyber Hottie? Biceps? Net Honey? I'd take a vote or welcome comments regarding his new pseudonym, but FUCK IF I CAN'T GET THAT FEATURE!! *ahem* ~whitefluffyclouds whitefluffyclouds~
There, centered again.
[Oh wait, STBX keeps coming over here to make inane smalltalk. Must cleanse his imbecilic need to chat about Entertainment Tonight from my So-Over-It mind. ~whitefluffyclouds whitefluffyclouds findingmyhappyplace~]
There, better now.
My new honey. Mmm... did I mention how very damned fine this boy is? And I feel comfortable calling him a boy because he is 6 years younger than me. He is unfazed by this, and so I am equally determined to overlook it. I had just begun to write tonight's blog when he rang, so now I have twice the material to write about. I DID tell him I'd be telling all my friends about all the sweet things this really hot guy was doing to woo me, so I feel no guilt in gushing about it.
Yummy honey and I have now talked more over the past 3 days than I've conversed with my own children. Sad, but true. No, I didn't shoo my kids away, you callous bastards, we talked late into the night after the kids were in bed. Over the PHONE. We have not yet met in person. That planet-aligning problem again. I think we have made loose plans to meet this Sunday afternoon. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
After our lengthy chat on Monday night, I emailed him to thank him for the call. I wrote a novel (OK, no smart remarks about that). I pretty much laid it all out for him:
- He's really fucking hot.
- I'm not so confident he'll find me as attractive.
- I have "issues" due to an alcoholic STBX. But I'm working through them.
- I really, REALLY, REAAAALLLY need to get laid. REALLY.
- I know right now, before anything gets started in earnest, that I SHOULD avoid any sort of commitment. No strings, no agreement of exclusive dating.
- I know I'm ready to date, and ready for a physical relationship. But the emotional end of it is quite intimidating, and I'm just as afraid of hurting HIM as I am getting hurt myself.
- I promise to be straight and honest with him even when it's difficult, inconvenient or uncomfortable.
- Thanks for being the gentleman his mama taught him to be, I adore him for it. However, should he fail to be successful at stifling a dirty mind, I might actually like it.
The next day I received his reply: "When is a good time to call you? Your STBX answered, and I was quick-witted and asked for my grandfather's name." I am still laughing at the notion that STBX just thinks that was a wrong number...
I emailed him a brief list of my schedule over the next couple of days, to make it easier to reach me when X isn't here. But then I reminded him that it's OK to leave a message with Exhole--he might get pissy and pouty with me about it, but if he got angry, I'd tell him to go pound sand and remind him of his many hours spent chatting with women on the phone. [Side note: MUST get a cell phone. Very tired of this.]
So he called tonight. So many things to swoon about. ~sigh~ He is SOFA KING sweet. We have so very much in common (regarding our familial/marital situations, emotional history, etc.), it's a little scary. We talked about our expectations, and we seem to be on the same page... "I feel guilty for wanting sex more than love. I am afraid that having sex with you will lead to my falling in love with you, which might be terribly inconvenient and complicated. But still somehow Very Good." oh yes, and the obligatory, "I am embarrassed to admit I have considered the possibility of an Actual Relationship forming."
We laughed a lot. We talked very frankly. It was very refreshing.
And then he SANG for me.
And once again, I swear to all that is holy that it's not just my libido talking, he did it with dignity and grace. It made me swoon. I swear I had to brace myself to prevent losing my balance. If you must know, it was a George Strait song. Not being a big country music fan, I couldn't guess what the song was called. But afterward, I gushed a bit and thanked him for doing that for me... that I'd have that voice in my head for quite a while now. And mmm, it was verrrrrry nice. He got very quiet. "Are you OK?" "Yeah, I'm just embarrassed that I actually did that." He's just so damned sweet.
The conversation turned inevitably to sex. I mean come on [ROFL, Freudian typo: com one], we're like a couple of tigers circling each other here. Why pretend like it's not going to happen?
He: "Do you want to get a hotel room?"
Me: [say yes, say yes, say YESSSSS!!] welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll...
He: "I'm sorry, I just..."
Me: [I'm a freaking idiot!] "No, it's not that... it's just that well... it's clear we have a lot we can talk about--I'm perfectly confident that we would enjoy spending time together no matter what. And I think you're incredibly gorgeous. But #1: It's completely possible that we could meet and the chemistry is just not there. Sometimes it's just not, for no reason. And #2: I feel that old Catholic Guilt for considering it so matter-of-factly. Gut says 'Book the room NOW. Head says, "Slow down there, cowboy.' "
We talked more graphically, the details of which I will not share (I have to keep a little slice of him to myself, after all!), but suffice it to say we are both looking forward to meeting. Another weird thing in common: our respective spouses were very similarly sexually repressed. We are very much looking forward to reviving our wilder side.
And he's such a damned tease. It was time to get off the phone, and he had to mention that he was now naked and getting to step into the shower.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!
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