Sassy's Up Late Again

I would just LOVE to go into great detail about what sort of items I purchased at Priscilla's, but since Rusty checks in here on occasion, I shan't discuss it til he's seen it first. [rubbing hands together maniacally]

In the meantime, I can tell you about another Kroger Kustomer. I'll call her BJ Hooker. BJ Hooker came in at 8:40am this morning, wearing a tight-fitting black shirt with holes cut in it around the neck, shoulders and sides. "Looks like her cat got to it or something." said Dee after she left. She was otherwise unremarkably dressed, and came to the counter asking questions about the chicken salad [sidenote: did you know that the world's 2nd greatest natural resource is actually chicken salad? We sell enough of the damned stuff to fuel a damned steamship every day]. She asked for a pound, and when Dee handed her the package, she looked at it questioningly and put it back on the counter: "This isn't enough."

Dee: "OK, how much more do you want."
BJ: "I don't know."
Dee: "Well, I can give you another one that size."
BJ: "Well, let's see... I'm bringing this to the office for the girls. It's a lunch thing. Umm... There's six of us altogether."
Dee: "I would think another half pound to a pound would be enough, are you serving anything else?"
BJ: "Just give me another pound." [Dee begins scooping it out.]
BJ: "I really like this chicken salad, except y'all put too much mayonnaise in it. It's good otherwise, just too much mayonnaise."  

After she left, Alex piped in: "I guess mayonnaise-y chicken salad is hard to swallow when you're lying on your back. I'd like to see the [finger quotes] 'office' she works in." The discussion wound it's way to the topic of CPCL. Alex wanted a new name for her, as CPCL was too lengthy, and he confessed that he thought she resembled the Old Navy spokesman Carrie Donovan (not that he knew her name). I said she more closely resembled Jackie-O. He shot a look both ways, knowing his joke was treading thin ice, "How about Blackie-O?" "I was thinking more along the lines of 'Jackie-O Navy'." And so a star is re-born.

We later discussed some of the more problematic attitudes among our co-workers throughout the store. TJ is the produce manager. TJ is a dick. No, pardon me, TJ is an UberDick. TJ is tall, tanned, and ripped like a steroid poster child. He struts around the produce department complaining about whatever he sees and doing very little else. For a guy who looks like he could bench a Buick, you'd think carrying a case of lettuce across the floor wouldn't be much of a challenge. I digress. Alex retold the story of their first meeting when he started working at the store: Alex explained that when he is tired or stressed, his voice tends to get a little breathy and higher pitched than normal. So when he entered the employee breakroom to discover TJ and his Lackey, Trevor eating their lunch, he squeaked out a boyish-sounding "Hello." to them. TJ puffed his chest out and said, "You need some bass in that voice, boy." while Trevor snickered quietly at him.

"No, you know what I need? I need you to suck my balls."
"What??"
"You heard me, I said Suck. My. Balls."

Alex swears he's never had a problem with TJ since. Think that line will work for me?