Tuesday, July 20, 2004
My job. My job vexes me. Well, mostly it pisses me off, but it does provide me with hours of things to contemplate regarding human nature, class, food, socialization, and myriad other broad topics inspired by one tired old biddy after another.
Do old people do anything besides go to the doctor and the grocery? No seriously, I need to know if there's a social outlet for these people, because I'd really like to direct them to something more suitable.
For example, there's Crazy Pink Cake Lady. This is a lesson we title, "Why We Never Ever Ever Do Anything Different." It all started when Alex, our Lead Chef, for some unexplained reason mixed a little strawberry syrup into the whipped cream that tops our white chocolate cheesecake, making it pink. CPCL bought a piece of it. CPCL then proceeded to call and ask for more of this Fantastic Pink Cake. 3 pieces. We accommodated her, grudgingly, thinking she'd go quietly into the night. Not so. CPCL called again the next week.
CPCL: Well, I tried that cheesecake, and it was much better than I expected.
Me: That's great, we're glad you liked it. [???]
CPCL: Yes, and I'd like to get some more.
Me:Well, we do have 2 more pieces packed up in the front case if you'd like that.
CPCL: Oh YES, PLEASE hold it for me! I don't think I can make it in tonight, but I'll definitely be in tomorrow for it.
Me: OK, I'll put them in our back cooler so you'll have to ask someone here or in the deli for it, OK?
CPCL: Thank you SO much!!
2 days later, she came to get her Pink Cake. And then returned to ask for more the following week. 5 slices, please, each packaged separately. See, CPCL must have all of her items packaged separately. One pound of chicken salad, please, packaged by the quarter pound. CPCL must have her items packaged that way because Weight Watchers advised her to do so. It helps prevent overeating, you see. I am told that in the year and a half that she's been frequenting our establishment, she has remained the same ample size continuously. After picking up her cake, she asked to see the smoked salmon in the next case. "Can you cut that so I can see the center?" I obliged her, and she purchased a pound of it. Packaged separately, of course. I handed it to her, and she asked:
CPCL: Can you tell me, who is it that normally does your meat and fish?
Me: [Oh the tongue biting and joke-swallowing.] That would be Alex, our Lead Chef.
CPCL: Well, the last time I got salmon here, it was just a tad overdone [holding up her over-manicured nails to illustrate how large a "tad" is.]. It gets dry when it's overdone, you know.
Me: [knowingly] Oh YES.
CPCL: Can you tell Alex that salmon is a very delicate fish, and he needs to be very careful about how long he cooks it. [full on hands in the air speech assistance going on now, nudging her 3-mile wide Jackie-O glasses and smoothing her black lacquered wig] It looks just fine now, so we'll see.
I expect we haven't heard the last from CPCL.
Tune in tomorrow for a look at Feeble Old Woman and Her Bodyguard!
Do old people do anything besides go to the doctor and the grocery? No seriously, I need to know if there's a social outlet for these people, because I'd really like to direct them to something more suitable.
For example, there's Crazy Pink Cake Lady. This is a lesson we title, "Why We Never Ever Ever Do Anything Different." It all started when Alex, our Lead Chef, for some unexplained reason mixed a little strawberry syrup into the whipped cream that tops our white chocolate cheesecake, making it pink. CPCL bought a piece of it. CPCL then proceeded to call and ask for more of this Fantastic Pink Cake. 3 pieces. We accommodated her, grudgingly, thinking she'd go quietly into the night. Not so. CPCL called again the next week.
CPCL: Well, I tried that cheesecake, and it was much better than I expected.
Me: That's great, we're glad you liked it. [???]
CPCL: Yes, and I'd like to get some more.
Me:Well, we do have 2 more pieces packed up in the front case if you'd like that.
CPCL: Oh YES, PLEASE hold it for me! I don't think I can make it in tonight, but I'll definitely be in tomorrow for it.
Me: OK, I'll put them in our back cooler so you'll have to ask someone here or in the deli for it, OK?
CPCL: Thank you SO much!!
2 days later, she came to get her Pink Cake. And then returned to ask for more the following week. 5 slices, please, each packaged separately. See, CPCL must have all of her items packaged separately. One pound of chicken salad, please, packaged by the quarter pound. CPCL must have her items packaged that way because Weight Watchers advised her to do so. It helps prevent overeating, you see. I am told that in the year and a half that she's been frequenting our establishment, she has remained the same ample size continuously. After picking up her cake, she asked to see the smoked salmon in the next case. "Can you cut that so I can see the center?" I obliged her, and she purchased a pound of it. Packaged separately, of course. I handed it to her, and she asked:
CPCL: Can you tell me, who is it that normally does your meat and fish?
Me: [Oh the tongue biting and joke-swallowing.] That would be Alex, our Lead Chef.
CPCL: Well, the last time I got salmon here, it was just a tad overdone [holding up her over-manicured nails to illustrate how large a "tad" is.]. It gets dry when it's overdone, you know.
Me: [knowingly] Oh YES.
CPCL: Can you tell Alex that salmon is a very delicate fish, and he needs to be very careful about how long he cooks it. [full on hands in the air speech assistance going on now, nudging her 3-mile wide Jackie-O glasses and smoothing her black lacquered wig] It looks just fine now, so we'll see.
I expect we haven't heard the last from CPCL.
Tune in tomorrow for a look at Feeble Old Woman and Her Bodyguard!
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