Sassy's Up Late Again

I am officially divorced. Now all the hair-splitting semantics lovers can settle the hell down and stop worrying about my sinful lifestyle. Oh, I keep forgetting, my boyfriend is still technically married. Is it OK to date if they're just legally separated? I hope not, it's so much hotter if one of us is cheating on someone...

I am Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo kidding, I hope you know that.

The judge officially entered into the record that he was very impressed with the work we did on our "do it yourself divorce", that he was happy to see someone save themselves a bit of money, and behave maturely enough to negotiate and come to an agreement without fighting like a couple of wild dogs. "I'm taking this case to term and to show everyone how great we all are in District IV. They'll be so jealous!"

After we were done, I really wanted to go have a drink, but I had to get out on the road to get to my job interview. If I were a superstitious person, I would think yesterday was full of signs that things are turning around... First, Shitfoot's a/c in his car was working for the first time in months, so he volunteered to drive. Then, despite the cloudy and moist weather when we left for court, when we emerged from the courthouse, the skies were bright and blue, filled with huge white fluffy clouds, the kind that invite you to find mysterious shapes and figures in them. I watched a busty Valkyrie carrying a cupcake slowly transform into a majestic bird with wings spread wide and free (and no, I didn't miss the parallels) until we arrived at the restaurant where we would have our lunch before I left town. He pulled into an empty space to find we'd parked between the 2 cars I've been lusting over continuously since Rusty awakened my interest in such things: an Audi TT and a BMW Z4. We finished lunch, I came home and got my bags, and hit the road. The trip was uneventful, the directions the owner gave me were impeccable and I arrived exactly 3 minutes before my appointment, plenty of time to get my jacket on and run a brush through my hair before walking in the door at exactly 3pm. The owner was walking into the lobby at the same time, and we met in the middle, and launched into the interview right away. I was absolutely blown away by both the company and the job. I want this job more than life itself. OK, maybe not that much, but if I don't get it, I will be very very very depressed for a very very long time. Walking into Kroger again after seeing such heaven will only beat me down like a nail in drywall. Ohpleaseohpleaseohpleaseohplease.

[Launching into "A Chorus Line": "I really NEEEEEED this job! Please GOD I NEED this joooooob. I've got to GET THIS JOB!!!! God I hope I get it, I hope I get it!"]

I was enchanted, to say the least. And I found myself giddy with excitement. Actual giddiness. Even Rusty remarked that evening that I was behaving a bit adolescently... I think his exact words were, "And to think you're actually 35." Every little detail about this job is cool, and when you add cool upon cool, the end result is the Coolest Fucking Job Ever. Yes, yes, it's "just an appliance store", and how weird is it for a chef to work in an appliance store? Why I've never heard of such a thing.

• First of all, it's upscale appliances. No Kenmore or Whirlpool to be found here. Viking, Wolf, Dacor, Subzero, Aga.
• Next, 7 live kitchens filled with the very latest, most expensive appliances with every available option.
• Then, I can work in any one and/or all of them at any time I please. I chose the "salary" option, which means that there's no time clock, no one tracking my every move, no one asking me to keep track of errands and sick days. Busy weeks, I'll work more than 40 hours. Slow weeks, I'll work less. And nobody will care.
• Even though there will be one other chef, and he's been with the company (in non-cooking positions) for years, he will not be my boss. I will have every opportunity to move up and get more $$ as he opens new stores and needs people to coordinate efforts between multiple stores.
• I can make anything I want, whenever I want, so long as I'm there impressing the guests during their key times and there is food prepped and available for the sales people to demonstrate simple things when I'm not there. No budget. No "style" to adhere to. The only requirement is that each item demonstrates a feature of the equipment I used. Broilers, deep fryers, grills, standard/convection/trivection ovens... Lots of prime rib and lobster tails, oysters Rockefeller and escargot in my future, in addition to sundried tomato ciabatta and dark chocolate soufflés.
• I won't be required to know all the ins and outs of each appliance with regards to construction/installation requirements and limitations, and technical specifications, that's the salesperson's job. I just use it and show people how cool they can be if they buy one too. But, they will be sending me to seminars with the manufacturers to learn how to make the things their research chefs have developed to best demo their equipment. Hmm, if Aga has one, will they send me to England (that's where they're made, isn't it?)???
• The manufacturer's each have a celebrity chef on contract to travel around and give demos. That means that I'll be working with them as one of them comes in every other month or so. Alton Brown. Ming Yan. All my favorite FoodTV people. AAAA!! He said he was thinking about arranging something with one of the celebrity chefs to really take advantage of the multiple kitchens by holding an "Iron Chef" competition or something. AAAAAA!!!
• The pay range was huge, and he didn't bat an eye at the figure I had set as my goal before I became a disillusioned cynic.
• The job as a full-time position and not a p/t guest chef is so new, they're willing to learn and change things as we discover what works and doesn't work. But there is stability: he has a 2 year contract with each of the manufacturers to subsidize my salary, so he (and consequently, I) get paid so long as I'm there for that amount of time. Success will help get that contract renewed, but at least I'll have THAT amount of time to feel secure.
• It's in a suburb that actually puts me closer to Rusty. I'd be a short 30 minute drive from him!! But still, in an urban enough environment that if it doesn't work out, I'm not living in BumFuckEgypt without a paddle. Shitfoot has an interview for a job in the same city. Oh LORD if ONLY it could be that easy...

*sigh* Sorry, I get so wound up, it's hard to come down.

I had a really nice talk with the owner, felt like we connected well--in fact, he shared a few things he really oughtn't have... stuff like how he thinks one of the candidates knocked himself out of the race by asking to get health insurance right away rather than after 30 days because his wife is 7½ mo. pregnant and having a difficult pregnancy... He told me that if he could afford to hire all 3 of us that have interviewed (out of more than 100 applications!), he would hire all of us because we all have different personalities and different qualifications. So of 3 people, one guy has knocked himself out. The other guy... well, hey: I'm a GIRL. So THERE. And he's culinary, I'm baking & pastry (but, as I pointed out, still comfortable with culinary recipes, as my current job demonstrates). The one chef he has now is male and culinary. Naturally, he'd want the female pastry chef to round out his team, right???? I noticed the female staff were all attractive types, he knows his PR, anyway.

[Once more, launching into "A Chorus Line": "I really NEEEEEED this job! Please GOD I NEED this joooooob. I've got to GET THIS JOB!!!! God I hope I get it, I hope I get it!"]

I'm gonna be SOOOO depressed if I don't get this job.