Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Still no word from either Shitfoot or the social worker about his investigation. The waiting is killing me. The arguments he keeps throwing at me are killing me, too, because I'd love to counter his insane assertions with, "I'm not the parent being investigated by CPS!" I suppose the extra time is good for me, in the long run. It's giving me time to get over being scared and start getting angry instead. I'm so mad at him for being such a piss bucket. The stupid Pollyanna in me keeps hoping that maybe this will be the wakeup call he needs to straighten the fuck out, but get real, Sass. Nothing's going to change him.
Rusty has wrestled with bouts of insecurities himself, and he seems to think they should drive me away from him. Funny, to me, it reassures me that it's just right. With Shitfoot, when he felt insecure, he reacted in anger. Rusty reacts with something close to self-loathing or self-pity. Much, MUCH easier to deal with. I keep catching myself waiting for him to blame me for his troubles, then remembering that that's Shitfoot's M.O., not Rusty's. So imagine my surprise when he actually tries to take blame for something, rather than pass it off... near saintly behavior, in my eyes.
I took the kids to his place this past weekend. I really needed a getaway but needed to be with the kids, too. They had a blast, even though there wasn't a lot to do there. I think they just liked the adventure of it all--a short road trip, staying in a new place, etc. We played video games, watched a video, and just played around all afternoon. On the way home, I realized that nobody got angry or called each other nasty names even once, nothing catastrophic happened, and even when bored, we all had a pretty darned good time. Both kids have already asked me when they can go back. It's just a blessing to have someone in my life that can be a calming, steady presence instead of the tornado their father is. They hugged him when it was time to leave, and DS kissed him and said, "You my favorite!" ~deep breath~
And still there are those who seem to think I shouldn't be "parading" my boyfriend in front of my kids. We've been together almost 8 months now, exactly when would it be OK? I believe at this point I know him well enough, and the relationship is secure enough to know that it will still be going strong in the months to come. There's no reason to "hide" him from the two most important people in my life. Their approval is important to me, and they can't approve of him if they don't know him. The notion, like Rusty's ExWife is fond of, that they shouldn't know him until we're married is insane to me. Vindictive and spiteful, not protective. "Hey kids, I want you to meet your new stepdad!!" Far less healthy in my eyes than, "This is Rusty, my boyfriend. He's the person I visit when you are with your dad." I suppose it'd be another story if there were more than one boyfriend, or a different one every few weeks. But that's not the case, and it's time for the naysayers to just get the fuck over it. Not that their opinion matters that much to me, of course.
Rusty has wrestled with bouts of insecurities himself, and he seems to think they should drive me away from him. Funny, to me, it reassures me that it's just right. With Shitfoot, when he felt insecure, he reacted in anger. Rusty reacts with something close to self-loathing or self-pity. Much, MUCH easier to deal with. I keep catching myself waiting for him to blame me for his troubles, then remembering that that's Shitfoot's M.O., not Rusty's. So imagine my surprise when he actually tries to take blame for something, rather than pass it off... near saintly behavior, in my eyes.
I took the kids to his place this past weekend. I really needed a getaway but needed to be with the kids, too. They had a blast, even though there wasn't a lot to do there. I think they just liked the adventure of it all--a short road trip, staying in a new place, etc. We played video games, watched a video, and just played around all afternoon. On the way home, I realized that nobody got angry or called each other nasty names even once, nothing catastrophic happened, and even when bored, we all had a pretty darned good time. Both kids have already asked me when they can go back. It's just a blessing to have someone in my life that can be a calming, steady presence instead of the tornado their father is. They hugged him when it was time to leave, and DS kissed him and said, "You my favorite!" ~deep breath~
And still there are those who seem to think I shouldn't be "parading" my boyfriend in front of my kids. We've been together almost 8 months now, exactly when would it be OK? I believe at this point I know him well enough, and the relationship is secure enough to know that it will still be going strong in the months to come. There's no reason to "hide" him from the two most important people in my life. Their approval is important to me, and they can't approve of him if they don't know him. The notion, like Rusty's ExWife is fond of, that they shouldn't know him until we're married is insane to me. Vindictive and spiteful, not protective. "Hey kids, I want you to meet your new stepdad!!" Far less healthy in my eyes than, "This is Rusty, my boyfriend. He's the person I visit when you are with your dad." I suppose it'd be another story if there were more than one boyfriend, or a different one every few weeks. But that's not the case, and it's time for the naysayers to just get the fuck over it. Not that their opinion matters that much to me, of course.
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