Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Well Shitfoot strikes again, of course.
Last weekend, he moved in with his Mommy. I wish I could revel in the humor in that, I really do. I'd love to savor that one. Unfortunately, his Mommy lives 3 hours away from here. So now "exchanging" the kids for his weekends is no longer a half hour drive down the highway, now it's an hour and a half long trip for each of us. Rusty keeps insisting that it's not fair that I have to drive, saying if he wants them that badly, he can come all the way here to get them, but well, it's not like I'm letting their father "borrow" them for the weekend or anything. Just because I don't like him doesn't mean he's not their father and have every bit as much right to be with them as I do. And the only other fair choice would be to make him drive all the way to get them and me all the way there to pick them up again. I'd rather drive halfway both days, thanks. This Friday, he's agreed to drive an extra hour, so that I can get back to work that evening, but I don't expect that will last long before he's whining about carrying the "burden".
Oh, but speaking of the "burden" of being their father... when the divorce was final this past summer, he was unemployed. He started working shortly afterward and instead of paying child support through the state the way the decree directed him to, he decided that he was better and smarter than everyone else in the state and the rules didn't apply to him, and he'd just pay his child support by making deposits directly into the joint bank account we used to share. We used this account to continue to pay the daycare bill and other school related things, so that was fine, except when he started it, I told him repeatedly that the state was tracking the child support he owed, and as far as they're concerned, those deposits were NOT child support. Oh no, his way was SO much better. I told him REPEATEDLY that when those hens came to roost, "Don't expect me to bust my ass to help you prove you paid anything. If you think you know so much better, then you can deal with it when the state comes asking you for all the back support you owe me. My advice was clear: pay through the state. You have your own way, you have your OWN consequences, got it?" Oh SURE he got it, he assured me. So last week he got a letter saying he owed me $4800 in back support. Oh yes, in the same weekend he was moving in with his mommy. I love it. He calls me in a panic: "Oh my GOD, I can't POSSIBLY OWE YOU THAT MUCH!!!" I calmly explained that their calculations were off because they don't have any record of the money he paid into the bank account. "Well what should I do???" "Call them, I guess. I told you when you did it that way it'd come back to haunt you. Now you get to figure it out." "I don't want to call them, every time I call them it ends up costing me money!" "Uh huh." "God, you're a bitch." A second call the next day went similarly; I think he was amazed that I didn't cave. Today, a 3rd call: "OK, they're telling me that if you send them a notarized letter saying I don't owe you anything, they'll clear that balance for me. So here's what you do..." "No." "NO?? Why not?" "Because it's not true." "How the fuck am I supposed to pay you, then?" "I don't care. That's not my problem. Listen, I know you can't pay what you owe right now, and I'm not asking anybody to lean on you for it. I don't care that you're not giving it to me right now, but when you're working again, I'll be damned if you're off the hook for EVERYTHING just because you were unemployed NOW." "Well what the fuck am I supposed to do then?" "Send me a list of all the money you paid into the bank account; show me the dates and the amounts, and I'll get your notarized letter telling them that you don't owe THAT amount, but no way in HELL am I going to tell them you owe me NOTHING because it's not true."
And yes, somehow I am the one being unreasonable. How dare I take away his hard-earned money? That unemployment check is HIS fair and square. Like his kids will suddenly stop needing to eat until he's working again (which, if history teaches us anything, will be several MONTHS from now). I can't believe that he isn't the least bit humiliated to know that the only reason his kids have a roof over their heads is by the grace of MY boyfriend and HIS MOTHER. I know I wallow in shame every time I think of it, but it's just a mini-vacation from responsibility for him, apparently. He was going to "use this time" to update his website, pay off some bills (with the unemployment checks), and just "take some time off". Not a single thought about the responsibility to help care for his kids. Just let Mom and Sassy handle that.
Last weekend, he moved in with his Mommy. I wish I could revel in the humor in that, I really do. I'd love to savor that one. Unfortunately, his Mommy lives 3 hours away from here. So now "exchanging" the kids for his weekends is no longer a half hour drive down the highway, now it's an hour and a half long trip for each of us. Rusty keeps insisting that it's not fair that I have to drive, saying if he wants them that badly, he can come all the way here to get them, but well, it's not like I'm letting their father "borrow" them for the weekend or anything. Just because I don't like him doesn't mean he's not their father and have every bit as much right to be with them as I do. And the only other fair choice would be to make him drive all the way to get them and me all the way there to pick them up again. I'd rather drive halfway both days, thanks. This Friday, he's agreed to drive an extra hour, so that I can get back to work that evening, but I don't expect that will last long before he's whining about carrying the "burden".
Oh, but speaking of the "burden" of being their father... when the divorce was final this past summer, he was unemployed. He started working shortly afterward and instead of paying child support through the state the way the decree directed him to, he decided that he was better and smarter than everyone else in the state and the rules didn't apply to him, and he'd just pay his child support by making deposits directly into the joint bank account we used to share. We used this account to continue to pay the daycare bill and other school related things, so that was fine, except when he started it, I told him repeatedly that the state was tracking the child support he owed, and as far as they're concerned, those deposits were NOT child support. Oh no, his way was SO much better. I told him REPEATEDLY that when those hens came to roost, "Don't expect me to bust my ass to help you prove you paid anything. If you think you know so much better, then you can deal with it when the state comes asking you for all the back support you owe me. My advice was clear: pay through the state. You have your own way, you have your OWN consequences, got it?" Oh SURE he got it, he assured me. So last week he got a letter saying he owed me $4800 in back support. Oh yes, in the same weekend he was moving in with his mommy. I love it. He calls me in a panic: "Oh my GOD, I can't POSSIBLY OWE YOU THAT MUCH!!!" I calmly explained that their calculations were off because they don't have any record of the money he paid into the bank account. "Well what should I do???" "Call them, I guess. I told you when you did it that way it'd come back to haunt you. Now you get to figure it out." "I don't want to call them, every time I call them it ends up costing me money!" "Uh huh." "God, you're a bitch." A second call the next day went similarly; I think he was amazed that I didn't cave. Today, a 3rd call: "OK, they're telling me that if you send them a notarized letter saying I don't owe you anything, they'll clear that balance for me. So here's what you do..." "No." "NO?? Why not?" "Because it's not true." "How the fuck am I supposed to pay you, then?" "I don't care. That's not my problem. Listen, I know you can't pay what you owe right now, and I'm not asking anybody to lean on you for it. I don't care that you're not giving it to me right now, but when you're working again, I'll be damned if you're off the hook for EVERYTHING just because you were unemployed NOW." "Well what the fuck am I supposed to do then?" "Send me a list of all the money you paid into the bank account; show me the dates and the amounts, and I'll get your notarized letter telling them that you don't owe THAT amount, but no way in HELL am I going to tell them you owe me NOTHING because it's not true."
And yes, somehow I am the one being unreasonable. How dare I take away his hard-earned money? That unemployment check is HIS fair and square. Like his kids will suddenly stop needing to eat until he's working again (which, if history teaches us anything, will be several MONTHS from now). I can't believe that he isn't the least bit humiliated to know that the only reason his kids have a roof over their heads is by the grace of MY boyfriend and HIS MOTHER. I know I wallow in shame every time I think of it, but it's just a mini-vacation from responsibility for him, apparently. He was going to "use this time" to update his website, pay off some bills (with the unemployment checks), and just "take some time off". Not a single thought about the responsibility to help care for his kids. Just let Mom and Sassy handle that.
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