Friday, July 01, 2005
Last night at dinner, DD was telling me about her day. She had been on a field trip with her summer camp, but they had to leave early due to storms in the area, and they took them to a movie instead. That place was a TOTAL RIP OFF, Mom!! It was SO GAY!"
"Gay? Why would you say that?"
"It was a total rip off, it was SO STUPID."
"So when you say "gay", you mean "stupid"?"
"Yeah."
"Do you know what "gay" means?"
"Well, YEAH."
"I don't think you do, or you wouldn't use it to mean "stupid"."
Rusty jumps in, "It means 'happy'."
Me: "Well, the old fashioned meaning was 'happy'. But these days, it means something else. Do you know what it means when a person is gay?"
"No."
"That's the word people use to describe a man who loves another man or a woman who loves another woman."
"So we're all gay?"
"No, I don't mean love like the way you love your family, I mean love like a Mom and Dad, like two people who get married. So instead of having a girlfriend or a wife, a man would have a boyfriend or a husband."
"That's weird."
"Well, it's different than most of the grownups you know, but it's not weird."
"But Mom, if there’s no MOM, then there can’t be any KIDS!"
"True. But there’s no shortage of kids, and there are many more "mom and dad" couples than there are gay couples. And gay couples can adopt children, too."
"Oh. Well... Hannah said she thought the movie was GAY."
"All I’m saying is, when you use the word "gay" to mean "stupid", it’s insulting to a lot of people–a lot of people that I love. So I don’t want you to use it that way anymore, OK?"
"OK. But Hannah was saying it all day. The field trip was GAY, the movie was GAY..."
"I’m not saying you have to pick a fight with your friend. If she wants to use it that way and sound mean and hateful, that’s her business. If you want to tell her why you don’t use that word like that, go ahead. But you don’t use it that way because it’s hurtful and insulting to a lot of really good people."
I really wanted to name a few people that she knows that are gay, but I had this vision of an accidental public outing of a few people who may not be out of the closet or not prepared to discuss their sexuality with a 7 year old, but Rusty jumped in, "My Aunt Jenny is gay, and I love her." She contemplated it for a while, but it was clear that she didn’t quite understand why it’s insulting to Aunt Jenny if she wasn’t talking about Aunt Jenny.
"You have blonde hair. Some people like to make jokes about blondes, saying that blonde haired people are stupid. So doesn’t it hurt your feelings to hear someone say "blonde" when they mean "stupid"?"
"Yeah."
"Well that’s what you do when you use "gay" that way. So from now on, if you mean "stupid", just say "stupid", OK?"
"Yeah, but I’m not supposed to say "stupid"!"
"Life’s pretty complicated, isn’t it?"
