Saturday, August 27, 2005
I have once again started losing weight. Yay!!! Perhaps not being a pastry chef for a while has been good for me. Nothing drastic, yet. Just 5 pounds in the past 3 weeks, but it's big to me because I'd just hit a wall and nothing was happening for so long. It's good to see some results and start feeling actually motivated to keep doing something good for myself for once. I think what really got under my skin was watching Celebrity Fit Club. I love Victoria Jackson, but when I realized that she started this program at my same weight (and height, as it turns out), I almost cried. She looked so FAT! At this point in the program, she's about 13 lbs lighter than me and she still looks chunky. I wonder what her measurements are, because I compare what I see on TV to what I see in the mirror and I get all confused. I mean--I definitely feel fatter than that. But I also know I feel fatter than I really am. But I look at her beginning picture, and I swear I look thinner than her. So how is it she's the same weight and height? OK, I've built up a decent amount of muscle in the past few months working out. So that's a little bit of extra weight. And I think my boobs are way bigger than hers. Gee, can I weigh my breasts to see how much they account for my weight?
And then at the same time, Rusty has gained weight. This summer has been really hard on his body [ehhhhh, huhuhuhhhuh, she said 'hard on']. First the motorcycle accident, then another groin injury, then a tattoo that limited his ability to work out. Then on top of that, not only have we been spending lots of weekends out of town, his job hours have been all over the place, making it hard for him to control what and when he eats. He is obviously distressed about it, but the thing is, he's not nearly as fat as he thinks. Can I see a difference between now and the year and a half ago when I met him? Yeah, when I really think about it and compare, I can. But that's not how I feel about him--when I look at him, I think he is every bit as hot and irresistible as he was the day I met him. He seems to think it's a lost cause and he'll never get back to where he was--but that's been a theme for him lately, so I think it's the depression talking. He's had to rearrange the timing of his antidepressant dosage, and hopefully in a few days he'll start feeling more "even" and he'll find it a little easier to get motivated and stop giving in to hopelessness. But the God's Honest Truth is, he could gain another 50 pounds and I'd still salivate every time I looked at him. But I want for him to lose the weight because I want him to feel as good about himself as he actually looks, and I know how unsatisfied he is right now and I want so badly for him to feel even just half as proud of himself as I am of him.
Then there's my daughter. DD has recently become extremely interested in hygiene. Granted, I'm not complaining--it's been fantastic not having to beg or fight her to shower. But ever since the first day of school, she's suddenly become quite interested in showering regularly, brushing her hair before she goes anywhere, brushing her teeth, flossing and using a kids' anticavity rinse (she thinks it's mouthwash, I won't bother telling her the difference). When she lost her front teeth, the adult ones came in rather crooked, and she became quite self conscious about it, but she's grown a lot over the past year or so, and they're straightening out and she's looking so mature and pretty. She's fast approaching the "tween" years and is so very much into All Things Girly. I strongly suspect we're going to have to fight the boys off with a stick. For now, she's just experimenting with being a "big girl". It's cute, but it makes me nervous!
And then at the same time, Rusty has gained weight. This summer has been really hard on his body [ehhhhh, huhuhuhhhuh, she said 'hard on']. First the motorcycle accident, then another groin injury, then a tattoo that limited his ability to work out. Then on top of that, not only have we been spending lots of weekends out of town, his job hours have been all over the place, making it hard for him to control what and when he eats. He is obviously distressed about it, but the thing is, he's not nearly as fat as he thinks. Can I see a difference between now and the year and a half ago when I met him? Yeah, when I really think about it and compare, I can. But that's not how I feel about him--when I look at him, I think he is every bit as hot and irresistible as he was the day I met him. He seems to think it's a lost cause and he'll never get back to where he was--but that's been a theme for him lately, so I think it's the depression talking. He's had to rearrange the timing of his antidepressant dosage, and hopefully in a few days he'll start feeling more "even" and he'll find it a little easier to get motivated and stop giving in to hopelessness. But the God's Honest Truth is, he could gain another 50 pounds and I'd still salivate every time I looked at him. But I want for him to lose the weight because I want him to feel as good about himself as he actually looks, and I know how unsatisfied he is right now and I want so badly for him to feel even just half as proud of himself as I am of him.
Then there's my daughter. DD has recently become extremely interested in hygiene. Granted, I'm not complaining--it's been fantastic not having to beg or fight her to shower. But ever since the first day of school, she's suddenly become quite interested in showering regularly, brushing her hair before she goes anywhere, brushing her teeth, flossing and using a kids' anticavity rinse (she thinks it's mouthwash, I won't bother telling her the difference). When she lost her front teeth, the adult ones came in rather crooked, and she became quite self conscious about it, but she's grown a lot over the past year or so, and they're straightening out and she's looking so mature and pretty. She's fast approaching the "tween" years and is so very much into All Things Girly. I strongly suspect we're going to have to fight the boys off with a stick. For now, she's just experimenting with being a "big girl". It's cute, but it makes me nervous!
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