Wednesday, January 04, 2006
Bitter, bitter, bitter. I am soooooo bitter.
Shitfoot is buying a house. Damn him. I'm so seethingly jealous. Bad enough I'm barely feeding myself working a part time retail job and so completely unable to find appropriate work that I've just about given up, that I'm so fucking poor I'm looking around the apartment trying to figure out what to sell first for cash... now he beats me to my "dream". All I wanted after our divorce was to buy my own home. Throughout our entire fucking marriage, we fought continuously over it--I wanted it, he never saw the point. Then last week, he said, "You know, I realized that I was missing out because you actually build EQUITY in a house with a mortgage!"
Duh.
And so he's buying a house, and I'm selling my old clothes on eBay.
And I'm bitter.
I mean, what the fuck have I done to get here? Where did I go wrong? I keep looking back and trying to see where the wrong step was--I was doing so well... I was so close when I got the axe. I am, unfortunately, still incredibly bitter about that, too. My life would be so much better if I still had that job. Shitfoot had just started working again and paying child support, and I was starting to actually SAVE money... the second I get ahead I get my feet pulled out from under me. I'm just sick of having shit happen to me like that; I'm sick of having no say in it. I'm the one getting punished, why didn't I get to be the one who screwed up??
Bleh, even whining doesn't cleanse me of my bitterness today. I'm in an "everything annoys me" mood today. I think I'll crawl in bed and hope tomorrow feels different...
Shitfoot is buying a house. Damn him. I'm so seethingly jealous. Bad enough I'm barely feeding myself working a part time retail job and so completely unable to find appropriate work that I've just about given up, that I'm so fucking poor I'm looking around the apartment trying to figure out what to sell first for cash... now he beats me to my "dream". All I wanted after our divorce was to buy my own home. Throughout our entire fucking marriage, we fought continuously over it--I wanted it, he never saw the point. Then last week, he said, "You know, I realized that I was missing out because you actually build EQUITY in a house with a mortgage!"
Duh.
And so he's buying a house, and I'm selling my old clothes on eBay.
And I'm bitter.
I mean, what the fuck have I done to get here? Where did I go wrong? I keep looking back and trying to see where the wrong step was--I was doing so well... I was so close when I got the axe. I am, unfortunately, still incredibly bitter about that, too. My life would be so much better if I still had that job. Shitfoot had just started working again and paying child support, and I was starting to actually SAVE money... the second I get ahead I get my feet pulled out from under me. I'm just sick of having shit happen to me like that; I'm sick of having no say in it. I'm the one getting punished, why didn't I get to be the one who screwed up??
Bleh, even whining doesn't cleanse me of my bitterness today. I'm in an "everything annoys me" mood today. I think I'll crawl in bed and hope tomorrow feels different...
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