Sassy's Up Late Again

What a truly crappy day. And most of it isn't even PERSONAL crap. Most if it was a really crappy day for Rusty. He's having loads of troubles with his new car... the dealership promised him tinted windows, then pawned the work off on some rinkydink operation down the street, who then broke the latch of the driver's seat and stained the seats and leather trim of the passenger door with the solution they used to tint the windows. Dealer says it's not their problem. Car maker says it's not under warranty since it wasn't done by the dealer. So Rusty has a brand new car with a crappy window tint job, broken seat and stained leather and the service manager has the spheres to actually say, "I don't care." and "You're too picky." I feel really bad. Then he gets a letter from the bank saying that the dealership 'forgot' to have him sign some Ultra-Critical piece of paper, so he can't get his payment book yet. But the payment is due on Sunday anyway. And then to add the cherry on top of it all, today he was hit with a huge charge from an insurance policy he canceled 2 months ago. "Oops!" they say, we'll cut you a check in the next 7-10 business days. That's after the rent is due, and after the car payment is due. He's going to have a great night at work tonight...

On another note, I had missed a couple of appointments with my therapist due to a Completely Screwed Up Schedule, and finally saw her yesterday. I really dig her--she seems like the kind of person I would be friends with. I told her I had given up hope of ever saving enough money to pay for a wedding--we're not a single step closer to it than we were a year ago when we got engaged, and I feel like I'm punishing Rusty by insisting we wait. I'm tired of waiting. I'm really sad to give up the little fantasy "moment", but I'm so tired of waiting. She asked me a few questions about it--she was disappointed to hear me give up on it, too. She knew I didn't have some sort of Paris Hilton Wedding in mind. But her line of questioning made it pretty clear that she was considering personally GIVING ME the money to have the wedding. I was shocked, embarassed, happy, flattered, ashamed... all at once. I told her no, I wouldn't want anyone to give me the money because we're in such a place right now that if I *had* that kind of money in hand, I couldn't justify spending it on myself, I have too many bills to pay off. And as sweet as it would be to have that White Dress Moment, I think it would mean more if I managed to do it myself, and having it handed to me would always be a small source of embarrassment for me. I really am flattered that she thinks so highly of me--but I'm still really weirded out by the whole idea of the gesture.

And on a final note, I had a lengthy talk with my dad this evening about the details of my impending business. It has emboldened me once again, I really think this is doable. I'm scared to death!