Sunday, April 29, 2007
First, business: I met with the loan officer. He was very impressed with the business plan. In fact, at one point he was halfway through a question about projected sales, and began thumbing through it and opened right to the page he wanted. "Do you have a breakdown of projected... Oh, yes... projected... for the year... and month... OK. Looks good... um, so..." Then he wanted to know how I arrived at the sales projections. I told him I based the coffee prices on Starbucks, then arrived at an average ticket of $4.50 (which we think is conservative), then I used the data I collected while working at the retail store just 3 doors down from this location--their computers tally the number of people that come in the door and all of their sales data, and the company tracks it hourly. Having been there for over a year, I am familiar with the traffic flow on an hourly, daily, weekly, and monthly/seasonal basis, so we used those figures to average the number of customers each month. He seemed impressed. He gave me the forms to fill out.
Here's the weird thing, now: when you apply for a mortgage, there are pages and pages and pages of things to fill out. It's widely joked about that they want blood samples and your first born child. And that's for a home that is certain to rise in value that they can repossess and resell to recoup their money. The form I have to fill out? 2 pages. Well, one sheet of paper, front and back.
Here's the sucky part: I need more cash. The business plan is written to require a $100k SBA loan. They require that I have 10% of that available in cash. So I need $10,000. I have the $5,000 loan that I applied for in March, and I have (miraculously) $1200 in savings, and a measly $200 in a 401(k) (which I'm not sure if they can 'count'). So basically, I have $6200, and I need $3800. He told me (quote), "If you write in this box here that you have $10,000, then they're going to want me to include a copy of bank statements showing that you have a total of $10,000 in cash." So does that mean that I could ostensibly BORROW $3800 (yes, from any one of my Very Wealthy Friends, LOL) long enough for my bank to print a statement, then return it? Or are they going to want to see multiple months of that cash? I suppose that might be possible, since I got a hefty tax refund back in March. I used most of it to pay off credit cards to raise my credit score, but I have bank statements saying I had that much in the bank. As for getting the cash out of my credit cards, that's a dangerous tightrope--if I max out the cards, then my credit score tanks and then I can be denied for having bad credit. It would have to be timed perfectly so that the cash is there, but the cards haven't reported the new balances yet. What a freaking nightmare!
So anyway, now I'm on a quest to find $3800. My dad hasn't responded to my email about it. I need to call him tonight. The loan officer did say that we could probably have the funding within three weeks of the forms being completed, so that means that I COULD be building a new business before the end of next month! Oh yes, and that means I could quit my freaking JOB, too.
And next, on to The Family Life. Rusty's DD, Hailey is a sweet little girl. Unfortunately, she is socially underdeveloped and is being groomed to be the biggest brat this side of the Rio Grande. She's 4 years old and does not sleep in her own bed. She sleeps in mommy's bed, or in Nana's bed, both of whom obligingly leave the TV on the Disney Channel all night. In fact, from the moment the girl walks in the door, until the moment she leaves, the TV must be on the Disney channel constantly. Now is a good time to mention that there isn't one single moment of programming on the Disney Channel that doesn't make me want to swallow my own vomit. Also, the child has no bedtime. She is not told to go to bed, she plays until she falls asleep, and then is carried to bed with the adult who is up at the time. Fabulous. And finally, she has quite deftly learned that if she doesn't get her way, whipping up a few tears works like a charm. The second she's told no, "I MISS MY MOMMY!! BOO-HOO!!" Friday she was crying on the phone to her mommy and got MOMMY to cry, too. My eyes about rolled out of my head. I had to leave the room to avoid saying nasty things about that nasty Sea Hag of a bitch. So Hailey says to Rusty, "I want mommy. I still love you, but Mommy's better." Yes, Mommy's better because she doesn't know how to say "No." Oh, I can't wait til this child is a teenager. I wonder how old she'll be before she gets pregnant? Anyone want to take bets? I'm putting my money on not making it to 15.
Here's the weird thing, now: when you apply for a mortgage, there are pages and pages and pages of things to fill out. It's widely joked about that they want blood samples and your first born child. And that's for a home that is certain to rise in value that they can repossess and resell to recoup their money. The form I have to fill out? 2 pages. Well, one sheet of paper, front and back.
Here's the sucky part: I need more cash. The business plan is written to require a $100k SBA loan. They require that I have 10% of that available in cash. So I need $10,000. I have the $5,000 loan that I applied for in March, and I have (miraculously) $1200 in savings, and a measly $200 in a 401(k) (which I'm not sure if they can 'count'). So basically, I have $6200, and I need $3800. He told me (quote), "If you write in this box here that you have $10,000, then they're going to want me to include a copy of bank statements showing that you have a total of $10,000 in cash." So does that mean that I could ostensibly BORROW $3800 (yes, from any one of my Very Wealthy Friends, LOL) long enough for my bank to print a statement, then return it? Or are they going to want to see multiple months of that cash? I suppose that might be possible, since I got a hefty tax refund back in March. I used most of it to pay off credit cards to raise my credit score, but I have bank statements saying I had that much in the bank. As for getting the cash out of my credit cards, that's a dangerous tightrope--if I max out the cards, then my credit score tanks and then I can be denied for having bad credit. It would have to be timed perfectly so that the cash is there, but the cards haven't reported the new balances yet. What a freaking nightmare!
So anyway, now I'm on a quest to find $3800. My dad hasn't responded to my email about it. I need to call him tonight. The loan officer did say that we could probably have the funding within three weeks of the forms being completed, so that means that I COULD be building a new business before the end of next month! Oh yes, and that means I could quit my freaking JOB, too.
And next, on to The Family Life. Rusty's DD, Hailey is a sweet little girl. Unfortunately, she is socially underdeveloped and is being groomed to be the biggest brat this side of the Rio Grande. She's 4 years old and does not sleep in her own bed. She sleeps in mommy's bed, or in Nana's bed, both of whom obligingly leave the TV on the Disney Channel all night. In fact, from the moment the girl walks in the door, until the moment she leaves, the TV must be on the Disney channel constantly. Now is a good time to mention that there isn't one single moment of programming on the Disney Channel that doesn't make me want to swallow my own vomit. Also, the child has no bedtime. She is not told to go to bed, she plays until she falls asleep, and then is carried to bed with the adult who is up at the time. Fabulous. And finally, she has quite deftly learned that if she doesn't get her way, whipping up a few tears works like a charm. The second she's told no, "I MISS MY MOMMY!! BOO-HOO!!" Friday she was crying on the phone to her mommy and got MOMMY to cry, too. My eyes about rolled out of my head. I had to leave the room to avoid saying nasty things about that nasty Sea Hag of a bitch. So Hailey says to Rusty, "I want mommy. I still love you, but Mommy's better." Yes, Mommy's better because she doesn't know how to say "No." Oh, I can't wait til this child is a teenager. I wonder how old she'll be before she gets pregnant? Anyone want to take bets? I'm putting my money on not making it to 15.
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