Monday, January 07, 2008
I'm sorry to have worried anyone who might have thought I'd gone round the bend. I hope you understand how devastated I am/was over this, but I'm getting by without being committed, so no worries.
On the business front, I called the bank to get a name of someone who had SOMETHING to do with the decision, and was treated like an idiot, of course. I explained that I had some questions about the requirements so that I could set some goals to meet their expectations. "They don't release any more specific information than what they sent you." Huh? What they sent me was so vague, it couldn't possibly help me make a more informed decision. I pointed out the first notation: "not enough collateral". "I meet the federal standards of 10% of the requested amount. What additional amount does your bank require?" "Well, I don't know, I'll have to make a call." "You do that." She clearly had never been asked for specifics before.
As for my emotional rant, I regret having mentioned "giving up and getting pregnant", as if one would naturally lead to the other, because, frankly, I've wanted to have another child for a couple of years now, but have been putting it off in hopes of finding myself in a better financial (and health insurance) position. I suppose I *do* give up on that--I officially face the fact that I will always be underpaid and unappreciated and working way below my abilities. I have to accept that I will probably always struggle to provide health insurance for my kids and that health insurance for ME is a pipe dream. Unless I marry Rusty. I still don't know fully what is holding me back from just jumping into that, other than the fact that it makes me absolutely sick to my stomach to think of having yet another duct-taped-together wedding where everything was done as cheaply as possible and hasitly as possible, as if it were a mere obligation to fulfill and no real cause for celebration. I have missed out on every "me moment" there is in a girl's/woman's life, and this is probably my last one, so forgive me if a clearance rack off-white suit and the back office at the justice of the peace isn't good enough. I don't expect full-on Princess Day, but it'd be nice if there were at least one event in my life worthy of planning ahead for more than a week. However... the cold fact is, if this old broad doesn't get knocked up soon, it'll be too late to do it safely, and I might as well get another dog instead.
On the business front, I called the bank to get a name of someone who had SOMETHING to do with the decision, and was treated like an idiot, of course. I explained that I had some questions about the requirements so that I could set some goals to meet their expectations. "They don't release any more specific information than what they sent you." Huh? What they sent me was so vague, it couldn't possibly help me make a more informed decision. I pointed out the first notation: "not enough collateral". "I meet the federal standards of 10% of the requested amount. What additional amount does your bank require?" "Well, I don't know, I'll have to make a call." "You do that." She clearly had never been asked for specifics before.
As for my emotional rant, I regret having mentioned "giving up and getting pregnant", as if one would naturally lead to the other, because, frankly, I've wanted to have another child for a couple of years now, but have been putting it off in hopes of finding myself in a better financial (and health insurance) position. I suppose I *do* give up on that--I officially face the fact that I will always be underpaid and unappreciated and working way below my abilities. I have to accept that I will probably always struggle to provide health insurance for my kids and that health insurance for ME is a pipe dream. Unless I marry Rusty. I still don't know fully what is holding me back from just jumping into that, other than the fact that it makes me absolutely sick to my stomach to think of having yet another duct-taped-together wedding where everything was done as cheaply as possible and hasitly as possible, as if it were a mere obligation to fulfill and no real cause for celebration. I have missed out on every "me moment" there is in a girl's/woman's life, and this is probably my last one, so forgive me if a clearance rack off-white suit and the back office at the justice of the peace isn't good enough. I don't expect full-on Princess Day, but it'd be nice if there were at least one event in my life worthy of planning ahead for more than a week. However... the cold fact is, if this old broad doesn't get knocked up soon, it'll be too late to do it safely, and I might as well get another dog instead.
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