Thursday, November 06, 2008
In the past few months, I'm sure you've noticed that the general tennor of my blogs have turned dark and whiney--trust me, I know it's true. It's a miracle anybody bothers to read it, it's so fucking depressing. It's not that I think anybody really gives a damn about my petty problems, I often use this forum to vent or to work things out so I don't take it out on my family.
That said, I've realized I have a medical issue that needs addressing. I was lying on the bed letting Rusty rub my poor aching back, as has become our habit, when a commercial for a drug being marketed for fibromyalgia came on, and Rusty said, "Maybe that's what's wrong with you." It had never occurred to me before, and I'm not usually they hypocondriacal type, so I did some research to figure out if it really fits me. I would say from what I read, about 80% of the documented symptoms fit me. There are other possibilities--arthritis, lupus, for example. But it's not just my joints that hurt, in fact most of the pain is muscular, so I doubt it's arthritis. The Lupus Foundation lists 15 possible symptoms; I have 5 of them, and 6 of them are possible but not confirmed without medical testing (the remaining symptoms are only seen in less than 30% of patients).
The pain I've been experiencing is exhausting and frustrating. First thing in the morning, when I wake up, I'm already hurting--whatever side I've been lying on will be sore, and my legs and arms will be stiff. When I get out of bed, my feet feel like my bones will break if I bear any weight on them, and it takes a few minutes of walking around (slowly) to stretch out and begin to feel normal. If I am sedentary for the day, my lower back will become sore if I don't get up every half hour or so, but if I'm working on my feet, it only takes about 15 minutes before my feet and hips start to hurt. It doesn't matter what kind of shoes I wear, it comes anyway. The joints scream in pain with every step or every shift in weight, and the muscles burn like childbirth. The longer I'm on my feet, the more widespread the pain--lower back, shoulders, neck. My arms will only hurt if I'm continuously carrying or lifting something (in fact, my fingers and knuckles are starting to burn now). Ibuprofen doesn't kill the pain, though it sometimes takes it down a notch. And to add to all that, I am ALWAYS tired. On my recent Saturdays off, I've been known to sleep up to 14 or more hours, and only get up because my body is too sore to lie comfortably anymore.
SO... I get it in my head that perhaps there's a medical solution to this problem. Since I'm so recently pathetic that I qualified for medicaid, I finally have access to medical help. Or so I thought. I called every doctor listed on the provider directory and not a single general or family practitioner will take a new medicaid patient.
And not that it really matters, right? I mean, right now the recommended treatments for fibromyalgia are all antidepressants. And I have sworn I will never take them again. I know, the minute I get it in my system and it starts to help, I'll make $5 too much and lose the medicaid, have the meds cut off and go through withdrawal again--and as I've said before, I seriously do not believe I will survive another withdrawal.
That said, I've realized I have a medical issue that needs addressing. I was lying on the bed letting Rusty rub my poor aching back, as has become our habit, when a commercial for a drug being marketed for fibromyalgia came on, and Rusty said, "Maybe that's what's wrong with you." It had never occurred to me before, and I'm not usually they hypocondriacal type, so I did some research to figure out if it really fits me. I would say from what I read, about 80% of the documented symptoms fit me. There are other possibilities--arthritis, lupus, for example. But it's not just my joints that hurt, in fact most of the pain is muscular, so I doubt it's arthritis. The Lupus Foundation lists 15 possible symptoms; I have 5 of them, and 6 of them are possible but not confirmed without medical testing (the remaining symptoms are only seen in less than 30% of patients).
The pain I've been experiencing is exhausting and frustrating. First thing in the morning, when I wake up, I'm already hurting--whatever side I've been lying on will be sore, and my legs and arms will be stiff. When I get out of bed, my feet feel like my bones will break if I bear any weight on them, and it takes a few minutes of walking around (slowly) to stretch out and begin to feel normal. If I am sedentary for the day, my lower back will become sore if I don't get up every half hour or so, but if I'm working on my feet, it only takes about 15 minutes before my feet and hips start to hurt. It doesn't matter what kind of shoes I wear, it comes anyway. The joints scream in pain with every step or every shift in weight, and the muscles burn like childbirth. The longer I'm on my feet, the more widespread the pain--lower back, shoulders, neck. My arms will only hurt if I'm continuously carrying or lifting something (in fact, my fingers and knuckles are starting to burn now). Ibuprofen doesn't kill the pain, though it sometimes takes it down a notch. And to add to all that, I am ALWAYS tired. On my recent Saturdays off, I've been known to sleep up to 14 or more hours, and only get up because my body is too sore to lie comfortably anymore.
SO... I get it in my head that perhaps there's a medical solution to this problem. Since I'm so recently pathetic that I qualified for medicaid, I finally have access to medical help. Or so I thought. I called every doctor listed on the provider directory and not a single general or family practitioner will take a new medicaid patient.
And not that it really matters, right? I mean, right now the recommended treatments for fibromyalgia are all antidepressants. And I have sworn I will never take them again. I know, the minute I get it in my system and it starts to help, I'll make $5 too much and lose the medicaid, have the meds cut off and go through withdrawal again--and as I've said before, I seriously do not believe I will survive another withdrawal.
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