Sassy's Up Late Again

I want to clarify, in case anyone was concerned: there is no suicidal threat in that last post. I just mean that there are times when you need a reminder why it's worth the effort to keep breathing. And right now, I can't quite figure out how to fill that list. I mean really, here I am hoping I can get a job at 6.50 plus tips as if it might change my life. That was fine when I was 20, but exactly how low do I have to get before something changes? I keep reexamining what I'm doing, why I'm doing it... trying to figure out why I'm here and what I'm supposed to do about it. Some may say there's a lesson in all this... I mean, there has to be: spend your whole life doing "the right thing", and the payoff is this? I've fallen into a tough phase of resentfulness and bitterness over all of this, and I don't like it one little bit. I really WANT to be happy. I WANT to be through this "difficult period" and move on to a better place that's closer to who I'm supposed to be. But I don't believe that'll happen until I figure something out.

I just don't know what.