Sassy's Up Late Again

You just have to love my customers. We have developed the habit of reading the local arrest reports to find out what they're up to. Last week, for example, two of them were arrested for possession of marijuana and one was arrested for drunk driving. This morning took the cake, though. Miss FancyGlance was arrested this morning for aiding and abetting (i.e.: she was the driver)... two of her buddies attempted to steal anhydrous ammonia. (Hmmm, ammonia... whatever could they be needing amonia for? Home perms, perhaps?) Oh, 850 GALLONS of ammonia. And when they discovered that anhydrous ammonia isn't exactly liquid (i.e: it didnt pour directly into the tub they put under the spigot), they abandoned the plan--leaving the spigot open. So an enormous toxic cloud of ammonia gas floated around my town between the hours of 3 am and 10am, evacuating more than 70 homes and closing 3 schools.

I can't even SAY DUMBASS loud enough.