Saturday, April 24, 2010
After only one week of the Vitamin D script, I'm already feeling noticeably better. Sure, I'm still sore in all the same places, but yesterday at work I had to stand for the whole 8 hours and I don't feel so bad today. I really thought I'd be absolutely crippled, but I'm just a little stiff.
Yesterday was National Wad Up Your Paycheck Day, apparently. I can't tell you how many crumpled up checks I had to try to process. Seriously, people, it's your paycheck, can you not treat it like it's worth something to you? Technically, I could refuse to accept them if they won't go through our imaging machine. Oh the drama that would ensue if I had to tell Bobby Joe Pudnick his paycheck's no good now that he's used it to level the short leg on his TV tray. Oh, and please take note, when I watch you sneeze and cough on your check, I really don't want to touch it. Really.
Yesterday was also Phone-Inquiry Fugue day, too. Mrs. Rectumhead called and talked with B for nothing short of 10 minutes about cashing a US Treasury tax refund check. The check was written to her for her child. Social Security calls these designations "Representative Payees". We cannot cash Rep Payee checks. The Rep Payee can bring that paperwork in and open a Rep Payee account through which they can cash them, but there are ridiculously complicated rules that are supposed to protect the minor/mentally ill/physically dependant person the money is intended for, but all it does is make things harder for the Rep Payee to actually get the money. B wasn't sure if we could help her, so she took her info to call her back after she clarified things with The Boss. Naturally, before B could get her answer, Mrs. Rectumhead was calling back demanding an answer. Eventually, B was able to get back to her and tell her we couldn't cash it, and we couldn't let her deposit it into her account, either, since the child it's for isn't on her account, either.
Then Drugina McScammington calls and tells me her debit card won't work. "Did you come into the branch and set your PIN yet?"
"Yes," she insisted, "I called the number on the back of the card."
"OK, that number has nothing to do with your PIN. To activate your card, you have to bring it into the branch. We have a machine that will allow you to choose your own PIN. Did you do that?"
"Yes. And it's not working."
"Did you take it to the ATM and do a balance inquiry as you were instructed when you set your PIN?"
"Yes."
"And did it work then?"
"No."
[So you just left without fixing it, you dumb bitch?] "Well I can't do anything to your debit card over the phone. You have to bring it in to the branch."
"Can I send my sister?"
"No, we have to verifiy your identity with a photo ID before we can change the PIN on your debit card."
"That's ridiculous!" I'm in the HOSPITAL! I can't come in!"
"Well there's nothing I can do over the phone, and I can't alter a debit card's PIN for someone who isn't the owner of the card."
"But I'm in the HOSPITAL! I had surgery yesterday, and I have a second one tomorrow. I've got nothing, and I need to eat!"
[Hmmm, SO many holes in that story, where would I begin? Doesn't the hospital feed you? If you had surgery yesterday, how are you feeling well enough to eat? If you're having surgery tomorrow, shouldn't you be fasting?"] "Again, I'm sorry, but I can't do anything for you over the phone."
"Can I send her in with the card to get money out of my account?"
"No, I can't give money to people who are not authorized signers on your account."
"But I'm in the HOSPITAL!"
"So you've said. Again, I can't help you."
"This is ridiculous! Let me talk to your manager!"
[He's going to enjoy this.] "He's not here right now, but I can have him call you in about 2 hours when he arrives, give me your number."
Twenty minutes later, I hear S on the phone, "No ma'am, I can't give your sister money out of your account if she's not listed on the account... ...no ma'am, she can't reset your PIN if she's not on the account... no, I can't..." Fifteen minutes later (I swear), he was still on the phone with her insisting he couldn't do anything for her. Another 20 minutes after that, a woman comes to the teller line, "This debit card isn't working." "Have you set the PIN on it yet?" "No." "Come around here and we'll get it fixed. I'll need your ID." "Oh, but it's my sister's card."
Sigh.
Later that afternoon, B is on the phone again, arguing with another customer. She puts them on hold. "Sassy, please clarify for me: if the wife has an account here, but her husband's not on it, she can cash his check for him if he signs it over to her, but they both have to be here, and he's got to have a photo ID, right?" "That's right." "She's insisting he doesn't have a photo ID, but we've done it before." "Well I don't know anyone here that would do that unless they know them personally well enough to know them without ID. Did she say who did it?" "No. Is there any way to check if we've cashed these checks before?" I explain how to look it up. See how cynical we are? How we instantly believe Shitstain McPooperson is lying? She looks it up, there are no checks cashed through her account for anyone but her. She is told again that we can't cash it without a photo ID.
Later, I'm at the teller line again, when a Mrs. McPooperson comes to my window and asks if she can cash her husband's check. "Sure," I tell her. "He needs to sign it over to you, then you sign it. He'll need to get a thumbprint on the front, and I'll need his ID." "Oh!" she exclaims, acting surprised, and turns to him. "I don't have an ID." he says.
"I'm sorry, but I can't cash it for you without an ID."
"I have my social security card."
"I need something with a photo on it."
"I have these credit cards."
"I'm not supposed to take it without a photo ID. Do you have ANYTHING with a photo on it? A Sam's Club card? A credit card? A work ID?"
"No."
"I'm sorry," pushing their check back across the counter, "I can't do anything with it without a photo ID."
"Can't you do it this ONE time?" he asks, then turns to present the child's face he's holding. "I need FOOD for my KID! I've got bills to pay!"
"No, sorry. I like my job and I want to keep it."
Mrs. McPooperson breaks in. "This is ridiculous! He's OBVIOUSLY my HUSBAND! WHY CAN'T YOU CASH IT????"
"Ma'am, I need some sort of proof that this man standing next to you is the same person this check was written for. The only way to OBVIOUSLY prove his identity is to show a LEGAL PHOTO ID."
She storms off cursing. [Extra points for soiling your child's ears, Mrs. McPooperson.]
Behind her, Fanny Soccermom just rolls her eyes and looks at me sympathetically as she steps up. "Hey," I say to her. "Why do you tell me YOU'RE Mrs. McPooperson, you don't have any ID to prove it, but you'd like to take everything in her account out now. I'll just take your word for it."
Yesterday was National Wad Up Your Paycheck Day, apparently. I can't tell you how many crumpled up checks I had to try to process. Seriously, people, it's your paycheck, can you not treat it like it's worth something to you? Technically, I could refuse to accept them if they won't go through our imaging machine. Oh the drama that would ensue if I had to tell Bobby Joe Pudnick his paycheck's no good now that he's used it to level the short leg on his TV tray. Oh, and please take note, when I watch you sneeze and cough on your check, I really don't want to touch it. Really.
Yesterday was also Phone-Inquiry Fugue day, too. Mrs. Rectumhead called and talked with B for nothing short of 10 minutes about cashing a US Treasury tax refund check. The check was written to her for her child. Social Security calls these designations "Representative Payees". We cannot cash Rep Payee checks. The Rep Payee can bring that paperwork in and open a Rep Payee account through which they can cash them, but there are ridiculously complicated rules that are supposed to protect the minor/mentally ill/physically dependant person the money is intended for, but all it does is make things harder for the Rep Payee to actually get the money. B wasn't sure if we could help her, so she took her info to call her back after she clarified things with The Boss. Naturally, before B could get her answer, Mrs. Rectumhead was calling back demanding an answer. Eventually, B was able to get back to her and tell her we couldn't cash it, and we couldn't let her deposit it into her account, either, since the child it's for isn't on her account, either.
Then Drugina McScammington calls and tells me her debit card won't work. "Did you come into the branch and set your PIN yet?"
"Yes," she insisted, "I called the number on the back of the card."
"OK, that number has nothing to do with your PIN. To activate your card, you have to bring it into the branch. We have a machine that will allow you to choose your own PIN. Did you do that?"
"Yes. And it's not working."
"Did you take it to the ATM and do a balance inquiry as you were instructed when you set your PIN?"
"Yes."
"And did it work then?"
"No."
[So you just left without fixing it, you dumb bitch?] "Well I can't do anything to your debit card over the phone. You have to bring it in to the branch."
"Can I send my sister?"
"No, we have to verifiy your identity with a photo ID before we can change the PIN on your debit card."
"That's ridiculous!" I'm in the HOSPITAL! I can't come in!"
"Well there's nothing I can do over the phone, and I can't alter a debit card's PIN for someone who isn't the owner of the card."
"But I'm in the HOSPITAL! I had surgery yesterday, and I have a second one tomorrow. I've got nothing, and I need to eat!"
[Hmmm, SO many holes in that story, where would I begin? Doesn't the hospital feed you? If you had surgery yesterday, how are you feeling well enough to eat? If you're having surgery tomorrow, shouldn't you be fasting?"] "Again, I'm sorry, but I can't do anything for you over the phone."
"Can I send her in with the card to get money out of my account?"
"No, I can't give money to people who are not authorized signers on your account."
"But I'm in the HOSPITAL!"
"So you've said. Again, I can't help you."
"This is ridiculous! Let me talk to your manager!"
[He's going to enjoy this.] "He's not here right now, but I can have him call you in about 2 hours when he arrives, give me your number."
Twenty minutes later, I hear S on the phone, "No ma'am, I can't give your sister money out of your account if she's not listed on the account... ...no ma'am, she can't reset your PIN if she's not on the account... no, I can't..." Fifteen minutes later (I swear), he was still on the phone with her insisting he couldn't do anything for her. Another 20 minutes after that, a woman comes to the teller line, "This debit card isn't working." "Have you set the PIN on it yet?" "No." "Come around here and we'll get it fixed. I'll need your ID." "Oh, but it's my sister's card."
Sigh.
Later that afternoon, B is on the phone again, arguing with another customer. She puts them on hold. "Sassy, please clarify for me: if the wife has an account here, but her husband's not on it, she can cash his check for him if he signs it over to her, but they both have to be here, and he's got to have a photo ID, right?" "That's right." "She's insisting he doesn't have a photo ID, but we've done it before." "Well I don't know anyone here that would do that unless they know them personally well enough to know them without ID. Did she say who did it?" "No. Is there any way to check if we've cashed these checks before?" I explain how to look it up. See how cynical we are? How we instantly believe Shitstain McPooperson is lying? She looks it up, there are no checks cashed through her account for anyone but her. She is told again that we can't cash it without a photo ID.
Later, I'm at the teller line again, when a Mrs. McPooperson comes to my window and asks if she can cash her husband's check. "Sure," I tell her. "He needs to sign it over to you, then you sign it. He'll need to get a thumbprint on the front, and I'll need his ID." "Oh!" she exclaims, acting surprised, and turns to him. "I don't have an ID." he says.
"I'm sorry, but I can't cash it for you without an ID."
"I have my social security card."
"I need something with a photo on it."
"I have these credit cards."
"I'm not supposed to take it without a photo ID. Do you have ANYTHING with a photo on it? A Sam's Club card? A credit card? A work ID?"
"No."
"I'm sorry," pushing their check back across the counter, "I can't do anything with it without a photo ID."
"Can't you do it this ONE time?" he asks, then turns to present the child's face he's holding. "I need FOOD for my KID! I've got bills to pay!"
"No, sorry. I like my job and I want to keep it."
Mrs. McPooperson breaks in. "This is ridiculous! He's OBVIOUSLY my HUSBAND! WHY CAN'T YOU CASH IT????"
"Ma'am, I need some sort of proof that this man standing next to you is the same person this check was written for. The only way to OBVIOUSLY prove his identity is to show a LEGAL PHOTO ID."
She storms off cursing. [Extra points for soiling your child's ears, Mrs. McPooperson.]
Behind her, Fanny Soccermom just rolls her eyes and looks at me sympathetically as she steps up. "Hey," I say to her. "Why do you tell me YOU'RE Mrs. McPooperson, you don't have any ID to prove it, but you'd like to take everything in her account out now. I'll just take your word for it."
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