Saturday, May 29, 2010
So I'm dealing with a chicken/egg situation with my stupid drugs and stupid Chronic Illness Club Membership. Before the Sjogren's dx, I never particularly noticed dry mouth or eyes... but then I had habits that covered it up quite handily... I never travel more than a few minutes without a drink with me. I use lip gloss or chapstick constantly, and I quit wearing my contacts because they bothered me too much, but I attributed THAT to my astigmatism and my changing prescription. Now I feel about twenty years older and have to resign myself to the reality that I really am becoming a crusty old lady. And just search the internet for information about treatment and tips for living with the disease, and you'll see why I just give the fuck UP... "Tip: Always carry lip balm. Tip: Order soup with your sandwich. Tip: Avoid wearing contact lenses."
Really? So this disease has existed for decades and your best tips are all shit I was already doing without even knowing I HAD IT??
And the joint pain... if the joint pain is from Fibro, then the FUCKING BRAIN MELTING antidepressants are supposed to stop it--Fibromyalgia is caused by nerve signals being misread by the brain, and blood flow to certain areas of the brain is lower in Fibro patients, so antidepressants that increase seratonin help alleviate those symptoms. But if they DON'T work, then that means that the pain is from the Sjogren's Syndrome. And nothing but prescription pain killers will help that. And what an even deeper joy it is for me to learn that both Fibro and Sjogren's can come and go at any time, better or worse, for no reason that they've ever been able to figure out. So it's possible my Sjogren's will go away and I'll someday be able to wear contacts again. POSSIBLE, but not predictable.
Because Rusty has to get in shape for the physical testing for the sherriff's job he's trying to get, we took the kids out to a little park on the edge of town to run on the track. We walked a lap, then we jogged a lap, and I could barely finish--breathing hurt so fucking bad I couldn't keep going. It was like my throat turned to sandpaper, and I could feel it closing as I ran. So... is that asthma? Later, after I had showered and was putting on makeup, I turned to say something to Rusty and the breath I took in wheezed so loud he could hear it. WTF? I don't recall having any lasting symptoms like this after exercise before. Is it the drugs? Is it the illness? Is it something new? Turns out Sjogren's CAN cause lung damage, too, from overly-dry airways.
Fuck all that. I'm tired of everything hurting or making me sick or tired. I want my fucking life back.
Really? So this disease has existed for decades and your best tips are all shit I was already doing without even knowing I HAD IT??
And the joint pain... if the joint pain is from Fibro, then the FUCKING BRAIN MELTING antidepressants are supposed to stop it--Fibromyalgia is caused by nerve signals being misread by the brain, and blood flow to certain areas of the brain is lower in Fibro patients, so antidepressants that increase seratonin help alleviate those symptoms. But if they DON'T work, then that means that the pain is from the Sjogren's Syndrome. And nothing but prescription pain killers will help that. And what an even deeper joy it is for me to learn that both Fibro and Sjogren's can come and go at any time, better or worse, for no reason that they've ever been able to figure out. So it's possible my Sjogren's will go away and I'll someday be able to wear contacts again. POSSIBLE, but not predictable.
Because Rusty has to get in shape for the physical testing for the sherriff's job he's trying to get, we took the kids out to a little park on the edge of town to run on the track. We walked a lap, then we jogged a lap, and I could barely finish--breathing hurt so fucking bad I couldn't keep going. It was like my throat turned to sandpaper, and I could feel it closing as I ran. So... is that asthma? Later, after I had showered and was putting on makeup, I turned to say something to Rusty and the breath I took in wheezed so loud he could hear it. WTF? I don't recall having any lasting symptoms like this after exercise before. Is it the drugs? Is it the illness? Is it something new? Turns out Sjogren's CAN cause lung damage, too, from overly-dry airways.
Fuck all that. I'm tired of everything hurting or making me sick or tired. I want my fucking life back.
Comments:
Post a Comment
