Friday, June 04, 2010
I thought I had posted earlier about an exchange I'd had with my boss about my current health conditions, but I can't find it to confirm now... so I'll recap:
I had wanted to talk with him in person about what's been going on, but just couldn't muster the courage to do it. Now really, I know logically that there is no need to have courage to discuss the factual state of my health and it's effects on my job performance, but forgive me, my parents fucked me up, OK? Anyway, it is difficult to have a private conversation with anyone at my work, the premises are so small, and the back room is actually frequently used, so even when you go there for privacy, there's a high chance of someone walking in. This dynamic makes it even HARDER to pull him aside and have a talk. Then I had a particularly bad day... I was hurting like crazy, feeling like my feet were going to rot and disintegrate with every step I took, my back started joining the club, and I couldn't get two minutes to just sit the fuck down, and I found myself several times barely escaping making some VERY BAD mistakes. I realized I HAD to talk to him. And naturally he decided to leave early that day and left while I was out getting lunch. It was the last straw, so I decided to chicken out and just email him. Besides, I decided, maybe it was best to document it anyway. So I emailed him explaining that I had a chronic illness that was still undiagnosed, had doc appointments at XYZ, I had chronic pain and exhaustion and was just barely hanging on as far as functioning normally was concerned. I told him I thought it had a lot to do with my most recent mistakes, and while I absolutely should be held accountable for my mistakes, I had just come to the realization that my health was affecting my performance and I needed to be more proactive about it, therefore, I would try to be more vocal about NEEDING to take a break, or sit for a while, or whatever it was I needed to stay focused and ready to do my job well.
You have no idea how stressful this was for me to write and send, but I did. And he didn't respond. It Freaked. Me. Out. A few days later, a co-worker mentioned that he was coming in later, even though it was his day off. Holy FUCK, Batman, that's NOT GOOD. Then we were told that the Regional Manager was coming in town, too. Everyone knows that when there's a visiting manager, 99% of the time, they're there to "witness" a disciplinary action (aparently a manager can't do it by themselves). So a sudden unannounced visit by Regional Manager and The Boss in on his day off? It had EVERYONE on edge. I'd say it's a safe bet everyone was thinking they were the ones that screwed up and they were about to get fired. But no, it turns out that it was just Employee Review time for the managers in our area, and Regional Manager was holding them at the other branch across town. The Boss was just stopping in to pick up some papers, and then headed over there to meet with her. *whew*
Except that the next day he FINALLY responded to my email, with a very curt: "Sassy, please inform Heather HR Rep of everything you've told me here, by Such-And-Such Date." And that's all.
What the FUCK??
So yes, I stressed for a very long time about what exactly that meant. I dutifully forwarded all info that I had to the HR person, and waited for a shoe to drop. Three WEEKS later, I get an email from Heather HR: "Sassy, I tried to reach you at your branch today, but you had already left for the day. Please call me as soon as possible."
Now see, people, I don't need this stress. I have real life things to stress about. Why does everyone seem bent on causing me STRESS??
So I take a minute this morning to call her, having waited until it was 10am in her time zone. Got her voicemail. Left the required message. And for the rest of the day, every time the phone rang (and trust me, it rang dozens and dozens and DOZENS of times), I was sure it was her, and I was afraid of what Mystery Thing she had to tell me. Finally, literally 15 minutes before I had to clock out, she called. She asked about the health condition. I explained that it appears to be a guessing game for the doctors, but I'm being a Good Little Lab Rat and taking their drugs and waiting for them to work, and so for now, the dx is Fibro and Sjogren's, but that could change in the future if some new mystery symptom should appear. "Have you missed any work due to this illness?" "No, not yet," I said, "But it's been a struggle to keep up. I'm concerned about that possibility in the future." She launched into an explanation of the company's FMLA rules, and said, "But you don't qualify for FMLA until you've been employed for a year."
"Oh, well, my one year anniversary is in less than a week, so that's not an issue." (Wait, does she think I'm wanting FMLA leave?)
"OK, I'll send you the paperwork, have your doctor fill them out, and return it to me within 15 days and we'll get it filed for you. That way if your illness causes you to miss work, it won't be counted against you."
The end. No seriously, that's it. I stressed all that time over fucking NOTHING. I'm such a dipshit.
I had wanted to talk with him in person about what's been going on, but just couldn't muster the courage to do it. Now really, I know logically that there is no need to have courage to discuss the factual state of my health and it's effects on my job performance, but forgive me, my parents fucked me up, OK? Anyway, it is difficult to have a private conversation with anyone at my work, the premises are so small, and the back room is actually frequently used, so even when you go there for privacy, there's a high chance of someone walking in. This dynamic makes it even HARDER to pull him aside and have a talk. Then I had a particularly bad day... I was hurting like crazy, feeling like my feet were going to rot and disintegrate with every step I took, my back started joining the club, and I couldn't get two minutes to just sit the fuck down, and I found myself several times barely escaping making some VERY BAD mistakes. I realized I HAD to talk to him. And naturally he decided to leave early that day and left while I was out getting lunch. It was the last straw, so I decided to chicken out and just email him. Besides, I decided, maybe it was best to document it anyway. So I emailed him explaining that I had a chronic illness that was still undiagnosed, had doc appointments at XYZ, I had chronic pain and exhaustion and was just barely hanging on as far as functioning normally was concerned. I told him I thought it had a lot to do with my most recent mistakes, and while I absolutely should be held accountable for my mistakes, I had just come to the realization that my health was affecting my performance and I needed to be more proactive about it, therefore, I would try to be more vocal about NEEDING to take a break, or sit for a while, or whatever it was I needed to stay focused and ready to do my job well.
You have no idea how stressful this was for me to write and send, but I did. And he didn't respond. It Freaked. Me. Out. A few days later, a co-worker mentioned that he was coming in later, even though it was his day off. Holy FUCK, Batman, that's NOT GOOD. Then we were told that the Regional Manager was coming in town, too. Everyone knows that when there's a visiting manager, 99% of the time, they're there to "witness" a disciplinary action (aparently a manager can't do it by themselves). So a sudden unannounced visit by Regional Manager and The Boss in on his day off? It had EVERYONE on edge. I'd say it's a safe bet everyone was thinking they were the ones that screwed up and they were about to get fired. But no, it turns out that it was just Employee Review time for the managers in our area, and Regional Manager was holding them at the other branch across town. The Boss was just stopping in to pick up some papers, and then headed over there to meet with her. *whew*
Except that the next day he FINALLY responded to my email, with a very curt: "Sassy, please inform Heather HR Rep of everything you've told me here, by Such-And-Such Date." And that's all.
What the FUCK??
So yes, I stressed for a very long time about what exactly that meant. I dutifully forwarded all info that I had to the HR person, and waited for a shoe to drop. Three WEEKS later, I get an email from Heather HR: "Sassy, I tried to reach you at your branch today, but you had already left for the day. Please call me as soon as possible."
Now see, people, I don't need this stress. I have real life things to stress about. Why does everyone seem bent on causing me STRESS??
So I take a minute this morning to call her, having waited until it was 10am in her time zone. Got her voicemail. Left the required message. And for the rest of the day, every time the phone rang (and trust me, it rang dozens and dozens and DOZENS of times), I was sure it was her, and I was afraid of what Mystery Thing she had to tell me. Finally, literally 15 minutes before I had to clock out, she called. She asked about the health condition. I explained that it appears to be a guessing game for the doctors, but I'm being a Good Little Lab Rat and taking their drugs and waiting for them to work, and so for now, the dx is Fibro and Sjogren's, but that could change in the future if some new mystery symptom should appear. "Have you missed any work due to this illness?" "No, not yet," I said, "But it's been a struggle to keep up. I'm concerned about that possibility in the future." She launched into an explanation of the company's FMLA rules, and said, "But you don't qualify for FMLA until you've been employed for a year."
"Oh, well, my one year anniversary is in less than a week, so that's not an issue." (Wait, does she think I'm wanting FMLA leave?)
"OK, I'll send you the paperwork, have your doctor fill them out, and return it to me within 15 days and we'll get it filed for you. That way if your illness causes you to miss work, it won't be counted against you."
The end. No seriously, that's it. I stressed all that time over fucking NOTHING. I'm such a dipshit.
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