Thursday, January 13, 2011
The country is blanketed with snow from one coast to the other, and somehow we managed to only get a couple of inches. Our school system wasn't one to miss out on a chance to be joiners, though, an cancelled school two days in a row and delayed a 3rd. This extra time off in such close proximity to their Christmas break has caused my children to become lazy, surly and spastic little fuckers. They have a chore chart with clear consequences spelled out. They've slacked every day this week and then whine when they're punished. How DARE I. Because everyone knows that nobody works on a snow day. Except they do, so bite me you lazy turds and go shovel the driveway so I don't kill myself getting in and out of my car.
Yesterday I put my foot down. I declared martial law and informed them that one single more infraction would result in the revocation of every single thing they love for two solid weeks, mercy be damned. Not just "Amish" (they lose the right to use anything with a battery or a plug), we're talking books, drawing, toys, EVERYTHING. I told them I might not even let them talk to each other. There was much eye rolling and sighing, but the jobs started getting done.
One of the more urgent-yet-neglected jobs was the cleaning of the sink strainer. We don't have a disposal, so everything gets rinsed into a little rubber strainer, which has to be emptied and washed at the end of the night. About a week and a half ago, they decided that no one would notice if they didn't do it. DD was assigned that chore today, and she could no longer put it off. And the drama ensued! I was in the next room, and without an audience to provide appropriate levels of sympathy, she needed to raise her voice so her soliloquy could be appreciated throughout the house.
First came the "Ew, ick!" exclamations as she attempted to lift the strainer without touching the food particles stuck to it. She got it to the garbage can after tremendous effort, then tried to empty it. "Oh my GAWD it won't come out!" Shuffle shuffle tap tap tap. "Ew." tap "Gross!" shake shake shake. "[hork] GAH, omigod, there's FRUITY PEBBLES IN IT!!!" She continued to choke and gag loudly--I could actually hear the air in her throat. "OHBYGAHD! It's slimy--it's got MUCUS on it or something! [pant pant pant, GAG, pant, pant, GAAAAG, pant pant]" She finally got all the food off, and I heard the sink turn on for a moment, then off again. "Mom, where's the bleach water?" I directed her to it without getting up. The sink is on again and I heard her spraying vigorously, "The POWER OF BLEACH COMPELLS YOU!!!" She took a deep breath and exclaimed, "Whew!"
I may not have a perfectly clean house, but it's not without it's entertainment.
Yesterday I put my foot down. I declared martial law and informed them that one single more infraction would result in the revocation of every single thing they love for two solid weeks, mercy be damned. Not just "Amish" (they lose the right to use anything with a battery or a plug), we're talking books, drawing, toys, EVERYTHING. I told them I might not even let them talk to each other. There was much eye rolling and sighing, but the jobs started getting done.
One of the more urgent-yet-neglected jobs was the cleaning of the sink strainer. We don't have a disposal, so everything gets rinsed into a little rubber strainer, which has to be emptied and washed at the end of the night. About a week and a half ago, they decided that no one would notice if they didn't do it. DD was assigned that chore today, and she could no longer put it off. And the drama ensued! I was in the next room, and without an audience to provide appropriate levels of sympathy, she needed to raise her voice so her soliloquy could be appreciated throughout the house.
First came the "Ew, ick!" exclamations as she attempted to lift the strainer without touching the food particles stuck to it. She got it to the garbage can after tremendous effort, then tried to empty it. "Oh my GAWD it won't come out!" Shuffle shuffle tap tap tap. "Ew." tap "Gross!" shake shake shake. "[hork] GAH, omigod, there's FRUITY PEBBLES IN IT!!!" She continued to choke and gag loudly--I could actually hear the air in her throat. "OHBYGAHD! It's slimy--it's got MUCUS on it or something! [pant pant pant, GAG, pant, pant, GAAAAG, pant pant]" She finally got all the food off, and I heard the sink turn on for a moment, then off again. "Mom, where's the bleach water?" I directed her to it without getting up. The sink is on again and I heard her spraying vigorously, "The POWER OF BLEACH COMPELLS YOU!!!" She took a deep breath and exclaimed, "Whew!"
I may not have a perfectly clean house, but it's not without it's entertainment.
Comments:
Post a Comment
