Sunday, January 23, 2011
Well the Crazies were out today in droves. First, Lameass McGooberson comes in asking about a deposit he'd made earlier in the week. He thought he'd deposited $340, but the account is showing $240. J printed a copy of the deposit slip, clearly showing in Lameass's handwriting $240. This did not convince him. He'd just withdrawn cash from another account at a different bank just minutes beforehand, and SURELY, HE couldn't have made a mistake. If he'd handed D-ball $340 but it got processed for $240, the drawer would have been out of balance at the end of the night, and we'd have record of that, but there were no outages, so that didn't happen. Lameass refused to believe us, recounting the events during his time making the deposit--he said Guy 1 took his deposit and counted it, then gave it to Guy 2, who counted it and did the transaction, then re-counted it before giving him the receipt. This, he thinks, is evidence that they both saw something wrong with his deposit and then decided to pocket the extra money. J explained that we are supposed to count cash three times, so this indicated nothing. But Lameass is convinced: D-ball ABSOLUTELY must have stolen his $100, claiming it would be easy to do. J pointed out: in this scenario, both the manager and assistant manager were standing less than 2 feet away from him on either side. The assistant manager counted the money and watched him key the transaction. There are no less than 8 seperate security cameras where the entire transaction is visible. I wouldn't call that "easy" to accomplish in the least. But Mr. McGooberson is demanding we pull the security footage and PROVE that WE didn't steal his money.
While he was arguing with J, I took a phone call. Asshat Douchinski was returning the call I'd made to him earlier alerting him to the first overdraft his account has ever had. "Impossible!" he demanded. I explained that his monthly service charge came out on the 10th, and then 12 days later (after he'd received his statement reflecting the charge) he made a purchase in excess of his remaining balance. He demanded that he is not supposed to get service charges. He'd opened his account 13 months ago, so at that time there were no service charges on that account, but over the summer, the rules changed, and he didn't meet the requirements to have his service fee reduced to zero. He described a "short, skinny blonde girl at the Major Retailer" has having told him she'd waive the service charges for him. I discovered that he'd had a service charge the first month the new rules came in, but none since. At that time, we were routinely waiving 6 months of service charges in order to keep people from closing their accounts, so that is likely what happened. And his 6 months were up. I explained that to him, and told him that he simply needed to add a direct deposit in ANY amount, and the fee would automatically be waived every month. Asshat informed me that direct deposit allows the government to get access to all his financial information, and he'd never do it, and he wanted to close the account. I told him he'd need to come in to sign a form to close it.
I'd barely had time to recount this story to J before he came in. J explained the same thing I had, but added that he could not actually close the account until the balance was brought to zero. Asshat hit the roof, but good ole J didn't budge. "Well I'll see you in court!" he exclaimed. J just said, "Ok." [Note, seriously: "See you in court" is just about the stupidest thing you could possibly say to a customer service agent when you are having a disagreement about fees or refunds.] Asshat started to stomp off to be alone with his rage, but stopped, turned around and said, "You know, I want a record that you are refusing to close my account." J started to ask him exactly what he could provide him to accomplish such a thing, but Asshat cut him off and said, "I'm calling the POLICE!" Again, J just smiled and said, "OK." Sure enough, he dialed 911 on his cell phone while standing at the teller line, and explained to the operator that Major Retailer is refusing to close his account. What a fucking dumbass. He then sat down at a front desk and waited for their arrival. About an hour later, when they still hadn't showed, he left on his own. I laughed and told J that the cops get here faster than that when we accidentally dial 911 and tell them it was a misdial! A short while later, a Major Retailer employee asked us if we knew anything about a complaint to the police. Turns out they had gone to the Customer Service desk, because the caller had told them it was Major Retailer that was causing his problem, not the bank. When Customer Service didn't have any idea what they were talking about, he left. I'd called Boss to inform him while we were waiting on the police to arrive, and he just laughed. At first he said, "Just refund the damned fees and close the account, what an asshole." The more I told him about the account, though he said, "You know what? Forget the refunds. This guy already got a ton of refunds, and I'm not giving him any more. He can consider it an Asshole Tax." We duly marked his account "NO REFUNDS! per Boss" so no other branch would refund the fees, and he can bite it.
While he was arguing with J, I took a phone call. Asshat Douchinski was returning the call I'd made to him earlier alerting him to the first overdraft his account has ever had. "Impossible!" he demanded. I explained that his monthly service charge came out on the 10th, and then 12 days later (after he'd received his statement reflecting the charge) he made a purchase in excess of his remaining balance. He demanded that he is not supposed to get service charges. He'd opened his account 13 months ago, so at that time there were no service charges on that account, but over the summer, the rules changed, and he didn't meet the requirements to have his service fee reduced to zero. He described a "short, skinny blonde girl at the Major Retailer" has having told him she'd waive the service charges for him. I discovered that he'd had a service charge the first month the new rules came in, but none since. At that time, we were routinely waiving 6 months of service charges in order to keep people from closing their accounts, so that is likely what happened. And his 6 months were up. I explained that to him, and told him that he simply needed to add a direct deposit in ANY amount, and the fee would automatically be waived every month. Asshat informed me that direct deposit allows the government to get access to all his financial information, and he'd never do it, and he wanted to close the account. I told him he'd need to come in to sign a form to close it.
I'd barely had time to recount this story to J before he came in. J explained the same thing I had, but added that he could not actually close the account until the balance was brought to zero. Asshat hit the roof, but good ole J didn't budge. "Well I'll see you in court!" he exclaimed. J just said, "Ok." [Note, seriously: "See you in court" is just about the stupidest thing you could possibly say to a customer service agent when you are having a disagreement about fees or refunds.] Asshat started to stomp off to be alone with his rage, but stopped, turned around and said, "You know, I want a record that you are refusing to close my account." J started to ask him exactly what he could provide him to accomplish such a thing, but Asshat cut him off and said, "I'm calling the POLICE!" Again, J just smiled and said, "OK." Sure enough, he dialed 911 on his cell phone while standing at the teller line, and explained to the operator that Major Retailer is refusing to close his account. What a fucking dumbass. He then sat down at a front desk and waited for their arrival. About an hour later, when they still hadn't showed, he left on his own. I laughed and told J that the cops get here faster than that when we accidentally dial 911 and tell them it was a misdial! A short while later, a Major Retailer employee asked us if we knew anything about a complaint to the police. Turns out they had gone to the Customer Service desk, because the caller had told them it was Major Retailer that was causing his problem, not the bank. When Customer Service didn't have any idea what they were talking about, he left. I'd called Boss to inform him while we were waiting on the police to arrive, and he just laughed. At first he said, "Just refund the damned fees and close the account, what an asshole." The more I told him about the account, though he said, "You know what? Forget the refunds. This guy already got a ton of refunds, and I'm not giving him any more. He can consider it an Asshole Tax." We duly marked his account "NO REFUNDS! per Boss" so no other branch would refund the fees, and he can bite it.
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