Sunday, August 07, 2011
Things are super-busy at work--it appears our summer slow-down is ending, and we're finally having more and more busy days, and in addition to that, we've been getting ready for the dreaded Audit. In the past, annual audits were performed by employees from our region--so last year, it was VP and Lenny, who was still the Branch Manager at the Springfield branch at the time. This year, a corporate representative is doing it. And the corporate people are FAR less forgiving on the "little stuff" than the people who know you are. It's apparently rare to get a good grade on a corporate audit. Legend has it that a branch scored a 91% (A!) and is the talk of the entire region now.
The audit consists of a TON of different things, all basically checking to see if we're in compliance for policies and procedures. Every last bit of paperwork is subject to a random audit--and trust me, there is TONS of paperwork. We have to log everything we do. Every time we open the vault, it's logged. Every day, there's a checklist of opening/mid/closing duties that are logged. Every day x2, we log that we checked the night drop, and what was in it. We log when we change someone's PIN#. We log just about every last damned thing we do. Then there are the forms. There's a form for everything. Change of address form. Change of name form. Sweep setup form. Chargeoff settlement form. New Account Application form. Debit card order form. On and on and on it goes. Each one of these papers has to be kept on file for a specific amount of time--each one has it's own time frame. Each one requires a specific flow of signatures/initials. This is the stuff serial killers are made of. Dexter would make a great auditor. In addition to the paperwork, the employees are audited! We have to actually take written tests, and then sit individually (at the auditor's choosing) and be verbally quizzed on pretty much anything he thinks we might not know. No pressure there, right?
So we're getting audited tomorrow. In preparation, we've scoured our files, filling in blanks, signing forgotten spots, tidying up and double-checking everything. In the process, we've also changed the way we've been doing a few things--it seems that we occasionally cut corners more than we thought we did. When you go 100% by the book, life can be a pain in the ass!!! I made study sheets for the personal account products we might get quizzed on, and J made a list of factoids that might be brought up at Boss' direction. We've been quizzing each other and mentally stressing out for two weeks, ever since we were notified of the date. I strongly suspect that Boss won't sleep tonight.
Here's the thing--there are no specific bonuses at stake here, and as far as I know, no one has been fired as a direct and single result of an audit. However, obviously it matters, or they wouldn't bother scoring it. Boss has thrown down the gauntlet: if we get an A, we'll each get 2 8-hr paid days off, a $50 gift card to the business/restaurant of our choice, and a "branch dinner" (we all go someplace like Chili's with our spouses on Boss' dime). That's $250 in gift cards and a dinner bill of around $150 coming out of Boss' pocket. I think S-hole's belief that Boss doesn't get a bonus might be misguided.
In the meantime, VP has issued an account acquisition contest for this extended-weekend. The branch that gets the highest percentage of their account acquisition goal from Friday-Monday will get a ticket to either King's Island in Cincinnati or Cedar Point in northern Ohio. 2nd and 3rd place gets a smaller cash prize for the branch. And if the winners take their tickets and go as a group, VP will provide substitutes to cover for the day. I have no idea why this has motivated the guys so much--you'd think we're all going to Disneyland or something. But we totally killed it on Friday, kicked ass on Saturday and today's crew just finished waaaay over goal. I have a feeling we might actually win. So then I have to decide if going to an amusement park with my co-workers is my idea of a fun day off. Or will I be able to afford tickets for the rest of my family to go??
Ah well, it's nice to have something to focus on--there are absolutely ZERO jobs available to transfer or promote to within 40 miles of here, and I'm frustrated once again. I believe that J has applied for an ABM position north of us--he commutes an hour south to work here, and this job is about a half hour north of him, so that commute is out of the question for me; I hadn't even considered applying for it. So even though it takes nothing away from me, I know it'll really get under my skin to see him promote ahead of me if he gets it. I'm sick of getting skipped over for stupid bullshit reasons. I ought to be running a branch by now. My little .25 raise every 3 months is great, but it's no promotion.
The audit consists of a TON of different things, all basically checking to see if we're in compliance for policies and procedures. Every last bit of paperwork is subject to a random audit--and trust me, there is TONS of paperwork. We have to log everything we do. Every time we open the vault, it's logged. Every day, there's a checklist of opening/mid/closing duties that are logged. Every day x2, we log that we checked the night drop, and what was in it. We log when we change someone's PIN#. We log just about every last damned thing we do. Then there are the forms. There's a form for everything. Change of address form. Change of name form. Sweep setup form. Chargeoff settlement form. New Account Application form. Debit card order form. On and on and on it goes. Each one of these papers has to be kept on file for a specific amount of time--each one has it's own time frame. Each one requires a specific flow of signatures/initials. This is the stuff serial killers are made of. Dexter would make a great auditor. In addition to the paperwork, the employees are audited! We have to actually take written tests, and then sit individually (at the auditor's choosing) and be verbally quizzed on pretty much anything he thinks we might not know. No pressure there, right?
So we're getting audited tomorrow. In preparation, we've scoured our files, filling in blanks, signing forgotten spots, tidying up and double-checking everything. In the process, we've also changed the way we've been doing a few things--it seems that we occasionally cut corners more than we thought we did. When you go 100% by the book, life can be a pain in the ass!!! I made study sheets for the personal account products we might get quizzed on, and J made a list of factoids that might be brought up at Boss' direction. We've been quizzing each other and mentally stressing out for two weeks, ever since we were notified of the date. I strongly suspect that Boss won't sleep tonight.
Here's the thing--there are no specific bonuses at stake here, and as far as I know, no one has been fired as a direct and single result of an audit. However, obviously it matters, or they wouldn't bother scoring it. Boss has thrown down the gauntlet: if we get an A, we'll each get 2 8-hr paid days off, a $50 gift card to the business/restaurant of our choice, and a "branch dinner" (we all go someplace like Chili's with our spouses on Boss' dime). That's $250 in gift cards and a dinner bill of around $150 coming out of Boss' pocket. I think S-hole's belief that Boss doesn't get a bonus might be misguided.
In the meantime, VP has issued an account acquisition contest for this extended-weekend. The branch that gets the highest percentage of their account acquisition goal from Friday-Monday will get a ticket to either King's Island in Cincinnati or Cedar Point in northern Ohio. 2nd and 3rd place gets a smaller cash prize for the branch. And if the winners take their tickets and go as a group, VP will provide substitutes to cover for the day. I have no idea why this has motivated the guys so much--you'd think we're all going to Disneyland or something. But we totally killed it on Friday, kicked ass on Saturday and today's crew just finished waaaay over goal. I have a feeling we might actually win. So then I have to decide if going to an amusement park with my co-workers is my idea of a fun day off. Or will I be able to afford tickets for the rest of my family to go??
Ah well, it's nice to have something to focus on--there are absolutely ZERO jobs available to transfer or promote to within 40 miles of here, and I'm frustrated once again. I believe that J has applied for an ABM position north of us--he commutes an hour south to work here, and this job is about a half hour north of him, so that commute is out of the question for me; I hadn't even considered applying for it. So even though it takes nothing away from me, I know it'll really get under my skin to see him promote ahead of me if he gets it. I'm sick of getting skipped over for stupid bullshit reasons. I ought to be running a branch by now. My little .25 raise every 3 months is great, but it's no promotion.
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