Friday, October 21, 2011
Chrismas, or Groundhog's Day?
5 Smells from Yesterday's Customers
It seems, he claims that someone "from Major Retailer" called Customer Care and complained about something that Boss did. S-hole was present, so VP wanted his version of the events. In terms of how Corporate thinks, an employee for Major Retailer is the same as an employee for any of the other companies that operate within Major Retailer's walls, so it would not be a stretch for S-hole to refer to, for example, a hairstylist from the salon as a "Major Retailer employee", even though she is not. And did I mention that S-hole is dating a stylist from the salon? Yeah, this didn't take long for me to figure out.
Let's play Sassy The Psychic for a minute, and later, I'll let you know how well I did:
S-hole and Beatrix (the stylist) devised a plan to entrap Boss--our privacy rules are extremely strict, and if we reveal any private information about any account holder, no matter how minor or inadvertent, it is a fireable offense. So Beatrix (or one of her friends) engages Boss in such a conversation, then goes away and phones customer care to complain. S-hole writhes with pleasure that he's finally caught Boss and will get him fired.
The thing that S-hole forgets is that Boss has become relatively bulletproof. I honestly think they'd have to catch him actually stealing before they'd fire him.
Proof in point: Later that evening, Boss was telling me about the Manager's Meeting he and D-Rod attended on Wednesday--all the BM's (I love that they actually use that term, completely ignoring what those letters mean to Other People) from the two-state region were there. VP and all the other regional managers, and their boss, Lloyd. The two-state area is divided up between 6 regional managers. Our region, for some reason, has completely sucked in the past few months--with the vast majority of branches either missing goals or barely making them at all, failing accuracy scores, failing audits, etc. Lloyd pointed out that our region was dragging down the whole surrounding area's numbers, and staring in January, if minimum expectations weren't being met, there would be dire consequences. During the meeting, they posted the names of the top 5 branches in every measurable category that they rate us. My branch was on every list, first on at least half of them. [So folks, I may not respect him personally, but I do have to give Boss props for having created such a success in our branch.]
Then, during a follow-up conference call with our region's managers, VP singled out poor-performing branches, and ordered her top two branches (yes, that would be us and a bigger branch to our north) to set up an exchange with them. We send an employee to them, they send their employee to us, and we train the Idiots how to stop being Idiots and start doing things properly. Boss is irked but proud at the same time. He's no dummy: he knows this does not ingratiate him with the other managers. They all hate us for our success. "Here's an idea, VP!" I told Boss, "PROMOTE ME, and I'll STAY MY ASS THERE and FIX IT PERMANENTLY." And he sure as FUCK doesn't want some lazy, shiny-thing-chasing airhead coming in and fucking up in our branch and dragging our scores down! We're trying to hire two people now as it is, and any time we have someone new in the branch, our scores go down, it's inevitable. But hey, send me anywhere you want VP. I get paid and extra .60/mile.
- smoked ham
- marijuana
- mildew
- wet dog
- cherry pez
It seems, he claims that someone "from Major Retailer" called Customer Care and complained about something that Boss did. S-hole was present, so VP wanted his version of the events. In terms of how Corporate thinks, an employee for Major Retailer is the same as an employee for any of the other companies that operate within Major Retailer's walls, so it would not be a stretch for S-hole to refer to, for example, a hairstylist from the salon as a "Major Retailer employee", even though she is not. And did I mention that S-hole is dating a stylist from the salon? Yeah, this didn't take long for me to figure out.
Let's play Sassy The Psychic for a minute, and later, I'll let you know how well I did:
S-hole and Beatrix (the stylist) devised a plan to entrap Boss--our privacy rules are extremely strict, and if we reveal any private information about any account holder, no matter how minor or inadvertent, it is a fireable offense. So Beatrix (or one of her friends) engages Boss in such a conversation, then goes away and phones customer care to complain. S-hole writhes with pleasure that he's finally caught Boss and will get him fired.
The thing that S-hole forgets is that Boss has become relatively bulletproof. I honestly think they'd have to catch him actually stealing before they'd fire him.
Proof in point: Later that evening, Boss was telling me about the Manager's Meeting he and D-Rod attended on Wednesday--all the BM's (I love that they actually use that term, completely ignoring what those letters mean to Other People) from the two-state region were there. VP and all the other regional managers, and their boss, Lloyd. The two-state area is divided up between 6 regional managers. Our region, for some reason, has completely sucked in the past few months--with the vast majority of branches either missing goals or barely making them at all, failing accuracy scores, failing audits, etc. Lloyd pointed out that our region was dragging down the whole surrounding area's numbers, and staring in January, if minimum expectations weren't being met, there would be dire consequences. During the meeting, they posted the names of the top 5 branches in every measurable category that they rate us. My branch was on every list, first on at least half of them. [So folks, I may not respect him personally, but I do have to give Boss props for having created such a success in our branch.]
Then, during a follow-up conference call with our region's managers, VP singled out poor-performing branches, and ordered her top two branches (yes, that would be us and a bigger branch to our north) to set up an exchange with them. We send an employee to them, they send their employee to us, and we train the Idiots how to stop being Idiots and start doing things properly. Boss is irked but proud at the same time. He's no dummy: he knows this does not ingratiate him with the other managers. They all hate us for our success. "Here's an idea, VP!" I told Boss, "PROMOTE ME, and I'll STAY MY ASS THERE and FIX IT PERMANENTLY." And he sure as FUCK doesn't want some lazy, shiny-thing-chasing airhead coming in and fucking up in our branch and dragging our scores down! We're trying to hire two people now as it is, and any time we have someone new in the branch, our scores go down, it's inevitable. But hey, send me anywhere you want VP. I get paid and extra .60/mile.
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