Saturday, October 15, 2011
Time out while I find my sanity
I am so fucking aggravated right now, I'm bordering on irrational. I just feel completely fucked over by just about everything right now and I have no idea how it's going to get resolved. Of course the biggest problem is money--I get so jealous reading friends' statuses about their vacations and remodeling and whatnot, when my life is pretty much exactly like it was when I was 22: everything I own is used or past it's prime, everything I buy for myself (including necessities like work clothes) I buy off the clearance rack, I don't own a home, and I have more debt than I've earned in the past 3 years. It feels like it will never, ever get better.
I've been hanging on to some apparently fruitless hope that I'll be getting promoted ANY DAY NOW, and that raise will finally turn things around. Everyone I talk to within the company keeps saying the same thing: "You'll do great. Your turn will come, just be patient." And then the SECOND person that I TRAINED gets promoted ahead of me. Am I some kind of fool?? Am I that idiot everyone snickers about when I leave the room? Is anyone even being honest with me?? All this time, even just a little more money would have made such a huge difference--how could I not get bitter and angry about it?
My tire went flat about 10 weeks ago. I filled it, and over the period of about 2-3 weeks, it went flat again. Refilling it kept it going for a while, because a new tire costs about $130, and I was broke--thanks got Boss scheduling me 35 hrs a week instead of 40 since about June. Then I tried a can of Fix-a-flat. That lasted about a month. Eventually, it leaked again and it was time to face facts: I needed a new tire. Rusty took it off and put on the "donut", and drove it across town looking for a used one for me--oops, that place was closed, we have to drive in the opposite direction to their "other store", using up the maximum miles the donut is supposed to work. The tire guy pulls the flat out of my trunk and immediately I see the problem: the tire's not flat, the wheel is bent. He recommends calling the junk yard for a used one. A new one costs about $160. Now I'll admit an additional source of frustration here: Rusty's supposed to be a "car guy". I would think this is an issue I could take a back seat on and be grateful my Car Guy Husband was around to take care of such things for me. But no. 4 weeks later, guess who's still driving on a donut. I called every damned junk yard within 40 miles and nobody's got a used one. Despite my objections, he kept trying to order one online--twice now he's paid for a wheel, been sent an email saying it shipped, and then days later found out it never actually shipped and they're refunding his money because they never actually had a wheel. I just paid for the 3rd try.
In the meantime, the lawn mower broke. Again, I'm already frustrated about the subject because Rusty let the lawn grow all damned summer without mowing. Sure, for about 4 weeks, we had contractors destroying the lawn, and there wasn't much he could do. Personally, I'd have been mowing the perimeter where they didn't have their garbage laying about, but that's just me. The lawn is his thing, and when we moved in, he assured me he'd take care of it. After the contractors finally left, day one, day two , day three passed and no action on the mowing front. The next weekend passed. No mowing. Three weeks later, he decided to give it a shot. He mowed about 4 square feet of lawn before the mower died. It was an old used one he'd bought from a friend-of-a-friend, so I guess that's not entirely surprising. We couldn't afford a new one, but backed into a corner, what else can you do? He had a decent sized credit from a rebate at a store across town, so we went and bought a new mower. With the credit, it cost only slightly more than an old used one would have cost. I won't even mention what a bitch it was to get it home, since he's got a small sports car and my larger, but hobbled car was still in the driveway on a flat tire. Get the new mower home, and it's raining. Another week passes before he tries to mow again. He broke it. The landlord had cut down two trees in the backyard this spring, and the knee-high weed growth had hidden the stumps. Bent the blade. Eventually he hauls it off to a repair shop (in my car, on the donut that's now got about 4x the recommended mileage on it). It's still there now, and the back yard is still not mowed--since JUNE.
These two things, they would be enough to start fights and make you want to drink yourself to sleep every damned night, but no, what's the phrase: "God never gives you more than you can handle." (which is utter bullshit, because if that were true nobody would commit suicide) Apparently I'm supposed to be able to handle more: I tossed a load of DD's laundry in the dryer and started to fold a few of my own things when I heard a strange scratchy-zappy sound coming from the laundry room. I turned around and saw flashes of light. For fuck's sake, the dryer is on fire. I pulled open the door to stop the motor and smoke started pouring out of it. From the looks of it, the power shorted out at the point where the cable attaches to the unit.
So do the math here, people: I was already living paycheck to paycheck, when my Boss decided to help boost profits by cutting hours during the "slow months" of ALL FUCKING SUMMER and HALF of AUTUMN! So I get shorted $200/month for 5 months. Then a $130 tire turns into a $160 wheel. Then a new mower for about $140. Now a new dryer. I was already selling part of DD's test strips so I could pay for her insulin and my two fibro meds every month. What do I sell now????
I've been hanging on to some apparently fruitless hope that I'll be getting promoted ANY DAY NOW, and that raise will finally turn things around. Everyone I talk to within the company keeps saying the same thing: "You'll do great. Your turn will come, just be patient." And then the SECOND person that I TRAINED gets promoted ahead of me. Am I some kind of fool?? Am I that idiot everyone snickers about when I leave the room? Is anyone even being honest with me?? All this time, even just a little more money would have made such a huge difference--how could I not get bitter and angry about it?
My tire went flat about 10 weeks ago. I filled it, and over the period of about 2-3 weeks, it went flat again. Refilling it kept it going for a while, because a new tire costs about $130, and I was broke--thanks got Boss scheduling me 35 hrs a week instead of 40 since about June. Then I tried a can of Fix-a-flat. That lasted about a month. Eventually, it leaked again and it was time to face facts: I needed a new tire. Rusty took it off and put on the "donut", and drove it across town looking for a used one for me--oops, that place was closed, we have to drive in the opposite direction to their "other store", using up the maximum miles the donut is supposed to work. The tire guy pulls the flat out of my trunk and immediately I see the problem: the tire's not flat, the wheel is bent. He recommends calling the junk yard for a used one. A new one costs about $160. Now I'll admit an additional source of frustration here: Rusty's supposed to be a "car guy". I would think this is an issue I could take a back seat on and be grateful my Car Guy Husband was around to take care of such things for me. But no. 4 weeks later, guess who's still driving on a donut. I called every damned junk yard within 40 miles and nobody's got a used one. Despite my objections, he kept trying to order one online--twice now he's paid for a wheel, been sent an email saying it shipped, and then days later found out it never actually shipped and they're refunding his money because they never actually had a wheel. I just paid for the 3rd try.
In the meantime, the lawn mower broke. Again, I'm already frustrated about the subject because Rusty let the lawn grow all damned summer without mowing. Sure, for about 4 weeks, we had contractors destroying the lawn, and there wasn't much he could do. Personally, I'd have been mowing the perimeter where they didn't have their garbage laying about, but that's just me. The lawn is his thing, and when we moved in, he assured me he'd take care of it. After the contractors finally left, day one, day two , day three passed and no action on the mowing front. The next weekend passed. No mowing. Three weeks later, he decided to give it a shot. He mowed about 4 square feet of lawn before the mower died. It was an old used one he'd bought from a friend-of-a-friend, so I guess that's not entirely surprising. We couldn't afford a new one, but backed into a corner, what else can you do? He had a decent sized credit from a rebate at a store across town, so we went and bought a new mower. With the credit, it cost only slightly more than an old used one would have cost. I won't even mention what a bitch it was to get it home, since he's got a small sports car and my larger, but hobbled car was still in the driveway on a flat tire. Get the new mower home, and it's raining. Another week passes before he tries to mow again. He broke it. The landlord had cut down two trees in the backyard this spring, and the knee-high weed growth had hidden the stumps. Bent the blade. Eventually he hauls it off to a repair shop (in my car, on the donut that's now got about 4x the recommended mileage on it). It's still there now, and the back yard is still not mowed--since JUNE.
These two things, they would be enough to start fights and make you want to drink yourself to sleep every damned night, but no, what's the phrase: "God never gives you more than you can handle." (which is utter bullshit, because if that were true nobody would commit suicide) Apparently I'm supposed to be able to handle more: I tossed a load of DD's laundry in the dryer and started to fold a few of my own things when I heard a strange scratchy-zappy sound coming from the laundry room. I turned around and saw flashes of light. For fuck's sake, the dryer is on fire. I pulled open the door to stop the motor and smoke started pouring out of it. From the looks of it, the power shorted out at the point where the cable attaches to the unit.
So do the math here, people: I was already living paycheck to paycheck, when my Boss decided to help boost profits by cutting hours during the "slow months" of ALL FUCKING SUMMER and HALF of AUTUMN! So I get shorted $200/month for 5 months. Then a $130 tire turns into a $160 wheel. Then a new mower for about $140. Now a new dryer. I was already selling part of DD's test strips so I could pay for her insulin and my two fibro meds every month. What do I sell now????
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